SPACED OUT

John Harkes smashes the space/time continuum:

“He’s got acres of time on the ball.”

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

According to David May, Wayne Rooney’s spell in the shadows wasn’t such a dark time:

“Last year he was living in Ronaldo’s limelight.”

TOUCH-UP

Over the years, Roddy Forsyth has developed a canny ruse for getting out of the DIY:

“Celtic can still win the Scottish Cup, which would take the gloss off what has been a poor season.”
BILLO’S SILVER LINING

Not all was lost for Arsenal before the trip to Barca on Tuesday. At least they already made a start on next season’s group stage:

“But John, they salvaged a point.”

WATER WORKS

David Fairclough puts everything into bailing out Wolves at the Emirates:

“All bodies to the pump.”
LEGLESS

Even at Easter, miserable Lawro refuses to believe in miracles:

“I don’t know any footballer whose legs have come back.”

WILL O’NEILL WALK AWAY?

“He’s such an intelligent man that he would never think that way, but he’s bright enough to think \’Do I need this hassle.'”

Thanks Charlie.

MORE SPOOFING

Eamo remembers Arsenal’s defeat of AC Milan, long after Thierry had left for Barca:

“The team won in Milan when Henry was at his peak.”

CHANGE OF HEART

Making the impossible possible with Martin Tyler, Andy Gray and a cameraman with an eye for Karl Heinz Rummenigge:

“Olic attempted the impossible there.”

“Yes he did.”

“But if he (Karl Heinz) had attempted it he would have managed it.”

“Yes he would.”

SUBTLE CHANGE

Paul Merson – rebuilding football and language piece by piece:
“He’s taking a throw-on.”

BLOODLUST

Richard Keys rubbed his hairy hands gleefully at the prospect of a night of hooliganism in Munich:

“There haven’t been many incidents in recent years and let’s hope that’s not the case tonight.”

ROONED

…yet came over all squeamish when man goes over on ankle:

“This is not for the faint-hearted.”

MEDICINE MAN

As pundits and commentators fretted noisily in the wake of Rooney’s collapse, thank goodness for the calm and incisive Tony Cas:

“What happens, you get treatment on the ankle…”

YOU DON’T SAY, GILESY

“There’s physical courage but there’s also moral courage. We’ve mentioned it on the programme before. Bill.”

CONSPIRACY THEORY

Ever the sceptic, Gilesy still isn’t convinced this whole Champions League lark isn’t being staged somewhere in the Nevada desert:

“When players come out that tunnel or where ever they come out of…”

SEEN IT BEFORE

Eamo has had a bad run of luck at the theatre:

“The analysis should be the same as it is for a West End play, a Broadway show or an Oscar-winning movie – you don’t give people credit for just crawling out of a hole.”

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Billo finds Andrey’s antics hard to swallow:

“Arshavin gives me a pain.”

Martin O’Neill gets his ducks in a row:

“Arsenal won six consecutive Premier League games… on the trot.”

Dean Saunders misplaces his abacus:

“We had 15 chances… seven on target, seven off target.”

Talksport caller insists West Ham star is human:

“Scottie Parker, every week, bleeds blood.”

Eidur Gudjohnsen’s out of body experience:

“You try to put your body between yourself and the ball.”

Today FM’s Paul Collins is invariably last to know:

“Fabregas’ injury will probably rule him out of next Tuesday’s second leg.”

SPOTTER’S BADGES JON BURCHILL & SEAMUS LEAHY

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