Something of a guff-watcher’s
nightmare, Tyler at the mic is like Steve Davis at his
peak. He’s always on cue, doesn’t miss much,
but rarely has you out of your seat and sometimes simply
bores you into submission.
That said, there are several notable chinks in the Tyler
armour. For one, he’s become – alongside
Gray and Keys - very much a key member of the holy trinity
of hype that has created the monster that is today’s
Premiership. And the theory that God - with a little
help from Sky - invented football around-about August
1992, has occasionally led Martin into trouble:
"Alan Shearer is now the most prolific Premiership
goalscorer of all time."
Martin also seems to have spent a term or two
at the Barry Davies Pun Institute, and never passes
up the most obvious opportunity to put his training
into practice. With predictably irritating results:
"It’s Ono for Japan, and it’s ‘Oh
no’ for England."
"It's ebb and flo. But Chelsea have sold Flo. Don't
know what's happened to Ebb."
And before a clash between managers Hoddle
and Roeder at White Hart Lane:
"Who will be the Monarch of the Glenns
today?"
Allegedly a keen pianist, Tyler extends his
pun fetish to make a song and dance of any opportunity
to integrate musical references into his commentary:
"His parents must have been Beatles fans, George
McCartney".
"Kewell and his gang have really hit the high
notes for Australia."
Of course anyone who has set foot in a gantry has
had their "Ooh, er missus" incidents, but
occasionally Tyler rather seems to go out of his way
to create those special Finbarr Saunders moments:
"Giggs drops deep into that Sheringham position
where he can turn and ride defenders."
"There was some European punishment on Thursday
for Sir Alex to take on the chin, but maybe domestic
pleasure is close at hand."
And noting that Sean Bartlett had enjoyed
the now-customary pre-match build up for a Premiership
player:
"He had a good romp in a reserve game in midweek
and was always going to be involved today."
No wonder he sometimes prefaces his commentary
with a warning for more sensitive viewers:
"This is not a game for the puritans."
Occasionally Tyler gets a little restless
in the commentary box, fancying he could do just as
decent a job as the young bucks on the pitch:
"If you're old enough, you're good enough."
Harsh reality usually sinks in eventually:
'The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties...'
For all his smoothness, one peculiarity of
Tyler’s commentary is his weakness for rather,
shall we say, oxymoronical sentences.
"He had an eternity to play that ball, but he
took too long over it."
"McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the
referee."
"Ian Baird is dashing around like a steam roller
up front."
Make up your mind man.
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