Bobby’s a dab hand at the effective metaphor,
the image that makes a complex concept clear as a bell.
"We put some good subs on to hang onto
the fort."
"Tottenham have impressed me -
they haven't thrown in the towel even though they’ve
been under the gun."
"When Gazza was dribbling, he
used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like
you go through a supermarket."
It’s not widely appreciated that Bob's
the Cassius Clay of modern times. Who else in the world
of sport can compose an amusing poetic ditty off the
cuff?
"We've voodooed the hoodoo!"
"We need to get that point as
soon as possible. The tooter the sweeter."
A particular speciality of Bobby’s is
the contradiction. He has that rare ability to begin
a sentence with an utterance that, by the time the sentence
stumbles to its conclusion, has been comprehensively
gainsaid.
"Manchester United dropped points, Liverpool
dropped points, Chelsea dropped points, Everton dropped
points, so in a way we haven't lost anything at all
really, although we dropped all three..."
"They've probably played better
than they've ever done for a few weeks."
"Ray Wilkins' day will come one
night."
"I'm not going to look beyond
the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle
out at the final."
"He never fails to hit the target.
But that was a miss.’
"Maybe not goodbye, but farewell."
"We didn't underestimate them.
They were just a lot better than we thought."
"Eighteen months ago Sweden were
arguably one of the best three teams in Europe, and
that would include Germany, Holland, Russia and anybody
else if you like."
And Exhibit B for the prosecution – Bobby’s
unique way with a tautology:
"Home advantage gives you an advantage."
"In a year's time, he's a year
older."
"The margin is very marginal."
"Their football was exceptionally
good - and they played some good football."
Bobby’s medical knowledge is second
to none, though. Or maybe that should be zero-to-none…
"Nobby Solano discharged himself from
hospital after the Tottenham game and he's driving,
living the life and aware of who he is."
"We can't replace Gary Speed.
Where do you get an experienced player like him with
a left foot and a head?"
"Gary Speed has never played
better, never looked fitter, never been older."
"They've never really allowed
the Germans have a free head."
"Everton will want to sedate
Wayne Rooney and keep the boy calm, and that is the
right thing to do."
"If you count your chickens
before they've hatched, they won't lay an egg."
"Alan Shearer has done very
well for us, considering his age. We have introduced
some movement into his game because he has got two
good legs now. Last season he played with one leg."
"He has four lungs and two hearts
– no doubt about it."
Bobby doesn’t let his professional life interfere
with his domestic life. If anything, it’s the
other way around:
"Newcastle have always had a poor pitch
in winter. We don't have the better weather. My lawn
up here isn't as good as my lawn in Ipswich."
"I've just lost my house. I don't
know where I'm going to sleep tonight."
"Football's like a big market
place, and people go to the market every day to buy
their vegetables."
"People want success. It's like
coffee, they want instant."
It’s the man’s sheer tactical nous that
got him where he is today:
"No team won anything without a dodgy keeper."
"The first ninety minutes of a
football match are the most important."
"Well, we got nine and you can't
score more than that."
"Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would
be a nice result."
"We haven’t had a strategic
free kick all night. No one’s knocked over attackers
ad lib."
"I do want to play the short ball
and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and
short balls is what football is all about."
"He's very fast and if he gets
a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him."
But at the end of the day, what makes us love Uncle
Bobby is his sheer Bobbyness. Nobody else in the world
of football could produce Grade A guff of this sort:
"We are all in the same bucket."
"I've had to come out of the dressing
room because I don't want to get too excited."
"We've dropped two points against
Ipswich and I mean that sincerely."
"Some of the goals were good,
some of the goals were sceptical."
"I'd say he's the best in Europe,
if you put me on the fence."
"We're flying on Concorde. That'll shorten the
distance. That's self-explanatory."
|
