INSIDE INFORMATION OF THE WEEK

Stop the presses. Trust George to get right to the bottom of PSV's tremendous record of recruiting half-decent young Brazilian lads to tog out for the factory team.

"They actually employ a scout… a Dutchman who travels."

As Jim Beglin took a rare pause for breath, no doubt stricken with wonderment at the simple ingenuity of the lowlanders' ploy, there was time for George to sagely add:

"It's the only way to do it."

As the great man would later say himself as Milan almost sneaked one..

"Ooooh, that was a real "Danger Here" moment wasn't it."

Sure enough after George reminded us that Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink had the biggest name in the Big Cup, there was soon further unwanted insight – perhaps casting further light on that uncharacteristic Beglin pause for breath:

"I think he’s more of a mouthful than a handful."

Each to their own and all that.



ANY FATHER'S NIGHTMARE


Dunphy on Newstalk: "Brian McFadden... he went out with my daughter for one night. He didn't get anywhere."

Keith O'Neill: "That's what you think."



MILLION DOLLAR RONNIE

We know Big Ron Whelan looks like he's got expensive demands in the culinary department, but he could well have priced himself out of a comeback on You're on Sky Sports:

"Well if I was still playing and someone offered me ten-hundred-grand a week I'd take it."



STAND UP GILLS

Mick Quinn Sky reporting for Sky on Forest - Gillingham after Forest's late equaliser and Crewe's win sends the dismayed Gillls down:

"They've slumped to their feet."

Neat trick.



A RON IN WAITING

All this time, we've been scouring the continent for a heir to the outsized Ronglish throne, could the right candidate have been under our noses all along?

The build is certainly right and if we ship a sunbed out to Ballymount Industrial Estate, Big Trev will be as good as ready.

He certainly slipped nicely into the role, after Pool's early non-goal midweek, cautioning…

"It's very early doors."



PURE TOSH

If Trev doesn't come up to scratch, we're thinking of working with John Toshack to construct a language all of the big lunatic's own. Handily, and appropriately, it could be called simply "Tosh".

Wondering about The Special One's decision to send Huth on for punt-watching duties late doors, Toshack minted the very first entry in the new dictionary. And in case there was any confusion, he repeated it twice, complete with slightly contradictory hand-rubbing mime.

"Liverpool must have been floating their hands."

Then, just as we picked up the phone to the publishers, things had to take a worrying turn:

"You cut yourself to fit the cloth."

Come on Tosh, the Welsh job's not that bad.



CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST CLIVE

Wednesday night at the Pool-Blues showdown was a fraught affair for all concerned. Clive Tyldesley understood that the greatest trauma might potentially be visited on the young ones. Isn't it always the way?

"Five minutes to go! Don't you dare send the children to bed!"

Which got Clive thinking. A quick demographic analysis of the Chelsea fanbase, and he felt justified to continue: "Haven't seen too many young Chelsea fans this season."



ENGLISH LANGUAGE THE REAL LOSER

Clive took pains to identify himself on the night as a neutral observer. That's as may be, but he did get a bit excited regardless. So much so that the English language became something of an obstacle for him.

"Gudjohnsen! He couldn't find the cross to match the jugglery!"

And on TV3, Kev Moran had even more acute problems...

"Great cameradership between England colleagues John Terry and Steven Gerrard."

Serial language manglers Frank Stapleton and Trev Welch must have gone to bed happy men.



CAREFUL HOW YOU GO SIR

Robbie Blake on his lack of opportunities at Brum:

"Yes, we talk about it, but it is just a case of working hard and taking our chance when it comes. But we are not being kept on the sidelines by monkeys. Heskey and Walter Pandiani are really good players."




WORTH REPEATING ONE MORE TIME

It's been everywhere this last week, but Eamo's take on the Pool's Big Cup progress is probably worth one more airing:

"Liverpool in the European Cup final? There goes the neighbourhood. Still, I suppose that's the price Uefa must pay for lowering the bar and enabling some of the cheaper teams to take part. There's always the risk that one of them will hop on a lucky wave and, grimly holding their Lotto ticket above the spray, ride all the way to the tournament's pointy end. Liverpool fans are famous for the selflessness of their perspective, so even they, I am sure, in the midst of their euphoria, will be feeling, with the rest of us, a twinge of sadness right now for AC Milan. Where else but the Champions League can you go to measure yourself against the best that Europe can offer at the time? So you've got to feel sorry for a side that gets all the way to the final, only to find, standing alongside them in the tunnel, not one of the best teams on the Continent, but not even the best team in Liverpool"




DOUBLE-DEALING ITALIANS


"Berlusconi is behind the dark hand of Berlusconi."

Damien Kilberd, Eamo stand-in this morning on NewsTalk.



Spotter's Badge Rob O'Dwyer, Chris Hallissey, Eoin McGrath, Jimmy O' Grady, Falco, Navin Sood, Frank D'Arcy, and Arseblogger