2012 in Guff: Graeme Souness on a roll


40. Kenny Cunningham looked to science:
“That kind of natural understanding doesn’t develop naturally.”

39. Ruud Gullit’s woe spilled over:
“We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.”

38. Steven Alkin insisted Spain were in this together:
“Busquets turns to find his teammate, one of several on this team.”

37. Paul Merson advised against dental contortion:
“You can’t bite your nose off to spite your face.”

36. Tony Cascarino has met some hard birds in his time:
“Steven Gerrard is not the kind of guy who rattles feathers.”

35. Togetherness, the Micky Quinn way:
“They should slowly integrate them out of the club.”

34. Martin Keown’s full house checkmate:
“Del Bosque has played his hand here… it’s almost like a game of chess.”

33. Craig Burley blew the whistle:
“They played Arsenal and got their backsides felt.”

32. George Hamilton encountered temptation:
“The quality of the game is such that self-amusement should be the order of the day.”

31. Arsene Wenger wondered about goalline officials:
“If you don’t question their role, then you’ve got to ask what they are doing?”

30. Clive Tyldesley bolstered the Luis Suarez rap sheet:
“He is always up to something – a flick or a touch between your legs.”

29. Jim Beglin talked personal finance:
“Irish fans spending euro they don’t have to be in Poland. Credit to them.”

28. Ian Abrahams reached for the stars:
“Sheffield Wednesday are third in the table. You couldn’t be any higher.”

27. Graham Taylor knew his limits:
“I’d love to have been a fly on the wall in both dressing rooms – of course that’s impossible.”

26. At the Euros, Mark Bright drew on his wealth of international experience:
“Most players will tell you they don’t want to lose the opening game.”

25. Clayton Blackmore took a bold stand against a fattist society:
“It’s never over until somebody sings.”

24. Wild speculation from Ray Houghton:
“Ji-Sung Park is probably not as young as he was when he arrived at Old Trafford all those years ago.”

23. Graham Taylor split hairs:
“It’s not what I’d call a must-win game, but it’s a game England have to win”

22. A tactical note from Ronnie Whelan:
“Barcelona are most dangerous in the opposition half, not in their own half.”

21. Chris Coleman had high praise for Brad Friedel:
“He is still performing at the highest level and to a higher level.”

20. George was George:
“The wind in the sails of the Kazak team, if that can be the case since the country is absolutely landlocked.”

19. Ian Holloway unlocked the golden secret to goalscoring:
“As long as you hit the target they go in, if the keeper don’t make a save.”

18. Ian Wright backed a hunch:
“I don’t want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he’ll go abroad.”

17. Alan Parry always gave credit where it is due:
“No sign of a Poznan there, the celebration made famous by Manchester City fans.”

16. Clive Tyldesley revealed Didier’s cup final preparations:
“Drogba is just a loveable lump really. Graham Norton seemed to get inside him last night.”

15. Peeping Quinny spied on Yaya Toure:
“I saw glimpses tonight when he opened his legs at times.”

14. Jonathan Pearce got a little personal with Martin Keown:
“Where do you sit on young players, Martin?”

13. Clive Tyldesley hailed the adopted Shaun Wright-Phillips:
“That raw power that he got from his dad’s genes.”

12. A stopped clock is right twice a day, but not Mark Bright:
“There was nothing wrong with his timing; he was just a bit late.”

11. Lawro threw the book at Kenny Dalglish:
“It’s a Catch 24 situation for Liverpool fans.”

10. Lee Dixon second-guessed Simon Poulsen:
“It’s not intentional but he knows what he’s doing.”

9. Iain Dowie was unbalanced:
“It’s now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton.”

8. Harry Redknapp on the faithful Rosie:
“I don’t even like calling her a dog, she was better than that.”

7. Ger Canning had his ear to the ground, or hotel room wall:
“Boateng was photographed with a certain model in the early hours. Didn’t go down well, we are told.”

6. Theo Walcott in his own nutshell:
“I’ve been consistent in patches this season.”

5. Nigel Worthington went mad at the metaphor pick ‘n mix:
“No one’s really grabbed the baton by the scruff of the neck and put their stamp on it.”

4. Stimulus, the Charlie Nicholas way:
“Scottish football needs a kick in the arm.”

3. Chris Kamara delivered the unbelievable again:
“Frank Lampard with an unstoppable free kick, well saved by Jamie Ashdown.”

2. Garth Crooks – a one-man rebuttal of the clamour for video evidence:
“I’ve just watched the replay and there is absolutely no doubt – it’s inconclusive.”

1. Graeme Souness ploughed two-footed into the old adage:
“It’s like a stone rolling down a hill, gathering more and more moss.”


Comments are closed.