Glenn Hoddle is doctor to the King
WORD OF HOD
Glenn Hoddle welcomes King into his surgery:
“Ledley’s gone out on a limb with his knee.”
UNLUCKY BREAK
But as Phil Thompson will tell you, the real power is in Ledley’s head:
“King, glancing header, hit the crossbar and went out the other side.”
ANYTHING ALMOST GOES
Danny Mills calls the dogs off at the last minute:
“Leeds need to win at all costs, but not to the detriment of everything else.”
THE SPANISH DOUBLE
At Seville-Barca, Kevin Keatings feels sorry for Real Madrid but doesn’t quite think things through:
“Any other season, both would have won the title.”
GETTING MESSI
Ray Hudson felt sure Lionel Messi wanted to be pulled off before the end:
“He plays like he’s got Woody Woodpecker down his shorts all the time.”
SMALL WORLD
Dion Dublin awards the Championship of the World to Cardiff’s David Marshall:
“In this division, he’s a world class goalkeeper.”
HELMET GOAL
Dwight Yorke sees the Portugueser pull something out of his full metal sleeve:
“Nani has a trick in his armour.”
MEANS IS THE END
Big Sam has worked out every fine detail of his tactical masterplan:
“If you expose the opposition’s weaknesses enough, in the end those weaknesses will be exposed.”
BONUS POINTS?
There’s a long and proud tradition of suspicion in these quarters when it comes to egg-chasing. A suspicion Today FM’s Ross Lindsay has done nothing to dispel:
“Keith Earls has suffered a reoccurrence of his groin stain.”
IN CINEMAS & LOI BUSES NOW
When Cork City Foras Co-op invited the Irish Indo’s Daniel McDonnell aboard the team bus to chronicle the long jaunt to Finn Harps, they surely didn’t expect him to grass them up for dodgy DVDs:
“Full back Ian Turner responds to a call for DVDs by producing recent release Kickass.”
OFF HIS \’EAD
Tiredness, the Paul Merson way:
“As soon as you have one or two defeats the lungs go out your hair.”
HITS THE FAN
Chris Coleman goes through the motions of Fulham’s Europa League progress:
“After that goal you just could smell it, Hamburg got very nervous.”
DANCIN’ PARTY
“The Russ Abbot is frightening,” announced Paul Merson at Millwall-Swindon to general bemusement, forcing him to launch into the opening strains of “Oh what an atmosphere.”
SENSE OF OCCASION
The delirious scenes at the end of the FA Trophy final would have been no surprise to Neil Warnock:
“I think for Barrow, this is their cup final.”
ALL AT SEA
All credit to Ian Darke for managing to commentate on Blackpool-Forest from a gantry somewhere in the northeast of England:
“The wind is whipping in off the North Sea.”
QUICK ONE-TWOS
Zlatan attemps to clear up the rumours, with mixed results:
“Come with your sister to my house and see if I’m gay.”
Alan McInally is submerged at Bloomfield Road with playoff on a knife-edge:
“It’s tighter than a submarine’s door.”
Or did he just spend the afternoon at Debenhams?
“It’s handbags here and a couple of girl’s blouses have been booked.”
Guillem Balague applauds Yeste’s stroll through the Real Madrid convent:
“He dribbles here past five nuns. That’s what they were because they didn’t go for him.”
FC Twente chairman Joop Munsterman would probably trust Steve McClaren to drive the train to Cork, Bill:
“You have bus drivers in England and now Steve is the bus driver and we are sitting on the bus and waiting to see what the driver is doing.”
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