john_giles

LOOKING OUTSIDE THE BOX

Gilesy rather upset himself over Eduardo’s little tumble this week, ransacking his prodigious database of players’ names and incidents to recall another rarely-talked-about Arsenal dive: “We had one five years ago when Pires did it.”

But the pièce de résistance came on Newstalk on Thursday:

“Wenger is noted for his versatile eyesight.”

PASS THE AIRBRUSH

Unlike Johnny, Paul Walsh’s incident database seemed to have been corrupted at Anfield last Monday night:

“It’s strange to see Gerrard dive in and make a reckless challenge”

NO JACKETT WORRY REQUIRED

While all around him were fretting at Upton Park on Tuesday, Millwall gaffer Kenny Jackett hadn’t a care in the world:

“I didn’t fear for my own safety. There were no Millwall fans on the pitch.”

SIGN OF THE TIMES

Inflation, Gilesy-style:

“You wouldn’t buy a one-legged player for seven million.”

YOUSE WOUDN’T UNDERSTAND

Razor “The Sage” Houghton blamed referee Manuel Gonzalez for the Eduardo pen furore, positing that a mere mortal who doesn’t belong to the super-race of aging former-professional footballers couldn’t possibly juggle the infinitesimal permutations that could occur when fat goalkeeper careers towards slippery Crozillian.

“They understand the laws of the game but they don’t understand contact in football.”

SUM CLOWN

Mathematics though. That’s where the skills of the aging former professional footballer wane a little.

With the brave Celts a hat-trick of away goals short of turning around the terrible Emirates injustice, Razor wasn’t lightening the load:

“I think they need four, Darragh.”

BIT OF A MOUTHFUL

Does anyone think there’s a slightly unwieldy feel about the name for Arsenal’s new era – as ushered in by George Hamilton on Wednesday?

“The one-nil to the Arsenal era that brought them such success has moved on to a very different kind of era, a two-nil in the Champions League and a six-one and a four-one in the Premier League.”

And was George perhaps a touch over-excited about Celtic becoming the third of the three opponents Arsenal have faced this season to knock in a goal against the Gunners?

“They’ve done something that hasn’t happened very often this season. They’ve scored against Arsenal.”

HMMMM

There are signs up all over Danger Here towers discouraging homophobic jibes, but it has to be said that many of our long-standing suspicions about the antics of the ruckers and maulers were confirmed with Alan Quinlan’s oft-repeated insistence on Newstalk during the week that he was merely “trying to pull Leo Cullen” off during that famed spot of eye-tampering.

Now that’s versatile eyesight.

I BELIEVE THAT, I REALLY DO

Thanks to Planet Mary in the Times for keeping tabs on Andy Gray this week.

“There’s no if, buts or maybes. That was a great save but Robbie Keane should have scored.”

GREAT LENGTHS

Tony Gale was impressed before Stoke’s Carling Cup tie:

“They looked like a team of 4 by 400 metres.”

FOREVER TYPECAST

Poor old Alexandre will never quite come out of the shadow will he? Not with the likes of Trevor Steven around.

“Rigobert Song picked the ball of Scott McDonald’s feet.”

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