Thommo’s call to nature, Spanish lice, Jimmy leaves Keano pointless, Eamo’s shortcut and more.

OUT OF HIS TREE
As a rule, Phil Thompson tells anyone who will listen how Liverpool are set to sweep all before them. But times have changed – nowadays even nature is turning a deaf ear:
“It’s no good getting carried away and shouting at the tree tops.”

GEORGE’S MOMENT IN TIME
In a death-defying experiment, George Hamilton once famously became the first commentator to enter a time vacuum: “We’re into the second minute of stoppage time of which there isn’t one.” As a result of that bravery, George can now appreciate patterns of time and space beyond mere mortals.
What else could explain his reaction to Stevie G’s strike for Liverpool midweek?
“A certain symmetry in all of that, coming after 75 minutes, 15 minutes from the end.”

GOING OVER WITH A FINE-TOOTH COMB
Defensive uncertainty in La Liga, as Gerry Armstrong discovers an outbreak of nits:
“They all looked around, scratching each other’s heads.”

ALL FOR NOTHING
Jimmy’s never been the same since he mislaid the abacus they used on Know Your Sport:
“Arsenal definitely dropped two points and you could say that Sunderland dropped three.”

SAVING TIME THE DUNPHY WAY
There’s a school of thought that professional football punditry should demand thorough research and analysis of unfamiliar teams and leagues. But there is, of course, a shortcut:
“Sure they have Luca Toni up front; that says all you need to know about the Bundesliga.”

JOHNNY IN GOOD SPIRITS
Gilesy: “I don’t know how Steve Bruce sleeps at night.”
Darragh: “I bet Titus sleeps ok.”
Gilesy: “Oh he’s fine. He sleeps during the match.”

DAY AFTER TOMORROW
If we’re serious about cleaning up football, surely it’s high time the testers started scouring the ITV gantries for hyperbolic steroids. Sure losing at home to Hull was a setback, but was there really need for Peter Drury to kick-off Arsenal-Porto with:
“Tonight is the first night of the rest of their lives.”

JOE F****** KINNEAR
Jeff Stelling was never going to miss from there:
“To Newcastle now, where Joe Kinnear swears he’s up to the job…”

Thommo’s call to nature, Spanish lice, Jimmy leaves Keano pointless, Eamo’s shortcut and more.

MERSE MUGGED OFF, INNIT
Soccer Saturday’s trip to the Premier League referees’ get-together prompted Paul Merson to step up the Respect campaign:
“It gets on my nerves. They’re too busy. Look at \’em all meeting up having tea and coffee, laughing and joking. I’m not \’avin it.”

HAVE ANOTHER GO…
“… Here’s another thing, they’ve got sponsorship. How busy is that? Soon they’ll be going round like Grand Prix drivers. They’ll be smothered. They’ll be wearing caps.”

OVER THE MOON
Particularly arduous away trip for the Bhoys this week, according to Charlie Nicholas:
“Celtic fans are travelling the universe following the club.”