Traditionally up there with the Geoff Shreeves of this world in the hard-hitting stakes, Garth Crooks tackled Giovanni  van Bronckhorst with a strong opening gambit following the Dutch win over Denmark:

“This was clearly the result you wanted, wasn’t it?”

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On ITV, Chris Coleman explained just why the Dutch were so quick to capitalise on some lax Danish defending:

“The centre half there has skinned it up.”

It was, of course, a pretty unfamiliar line-up for the Dutch. Gilesy brought news of some surprise selections:

“van Brommel, Hikana and van der Fart.”

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Matt Smith brought news of trouble in the England camp as Capello’s players found it difficult to handle his team bonding ideas:

“Rob Green’s gloves have given way to Ledley King’s groin.”

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Has George Hamilton been stirred from his slumber?  Paraguay  goal hero Antolin  Alcaraz  produced George’s finest moment of the tournament so far:

“Can Italy escape from Alcaraz?”

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The football might not be all that hot so far, but what matter a few dull games alongside the blessed magnificent of a human life saved.

It was Gabriel “Jamie” Egan who brought news of Christian Poulsen’s good deed:

“That was literally, literally a life-saving clearance.”

Earlier Gabriel had pored over his abacus before figuring out The Netherlands were close to that elusive holy grail for international football teams:

“The Dutch have scored 59 goals in World Cup competition, so if they get one today that will bring them up to the magical 60.”

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Note to Lee Dixon, there were some little-known discussions in 1990 that brought about the end of “West Germany”.

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John Helm was certain the  floodgates would open for Holland:

“Continence is not a problem for the Dutch.”

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Gary Lineker: “What are you expecting from Cameroon?”

Alan Shearer: “I think they bring a certain colour to the tournament.”

See Shearer in action here.

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Robbie Savage is enlightening his people on Five Live:

“He hasn’t had a kick, except for two headers.”

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