Saturday, July 22, 2017

Ronaldo is a petulant brat, Bill

Eamon Dunphy's Ronaldo fatwa is back on with a bang baby. A less-than-inspiring turn against Celtic by the world's greatest player paved the way for a familiar night of family fun in Montrose. Taking advantage of Eamo's new fast-tracking programme that...

Salako spots advanced simulation

Big Phil gets his apron on and all the rest of this weekend's guff... NEXT STOP BROADWAY With diving and simulation nearing a fine art, it was only a matter of time before a Premier League footballer took full-time to the...

Thommo sends Dunner into limbo

Hansen splits hairs, Andy's imaginary friends, Frank Stapleton lights up Setanta Of course flexibility is all important in the modern game, but Phil Thompson has spotted Richard Dunne taking things a little too far: "He puts his neck on the line...

Mystic Lawro predicts

Merse repeats, Charlie lost in Europe, Cottee bored, Dan in Leitrim spot on. With no gossip at his disposal now that footballers are afraid to tell him anything, Lawro's latest trick is to predict the unpredictable: "They (West Ham) are unpredictable...

Bend it like Beattie

Jimmy makes magic, Stan's fat cats, two-faced Martin Fisher

Good times over for Gilesy

Honest Berba, Motty rewrites history and Thommo talks finance END OF AN ERA Emotional times in Montrose midweek. It seems we've heard for the last time the classic Gilesy admission... "Ahhh, I don't know a lot about these fellas, Bill." In this...

Liverpool’s relative success

Smudger risks Scouse wrath and rest of quick one-twos Alan Smith confirms Liverpool have always been a family club: "Liverpool have depended on that inbred discipline." Jamie Redknapp has Ricardo Fuller on the physio's sofa: "I don't know what state of mind his...

Lights, Kamara, Action

Kammy directs and the rest of this week's quick one-twos. With just the usual formulaic guff coming out of Hollywood these days, surely it's time Chris Kamara went Stateside to shake things up a bit. His could make a directorial...

Kaka snubs City carrot

What Ricky will miss out on, Ronnie's geography, Welsh woe, Jewell philosophy. Man City's Nedum Onuoha was convinced the prospect of shooting practise with Darius Vassell and Jo will be enough to swing the Kaka deal: "I think we would...

Charlie takes it to the sleep bank

Con brings football home, Jimmy red hot, Arsene speaks Weng. Charlie Nicholas reveals just how Arsene Wenger gets the best from his players - an early night is certainly worth their while: "There's a curfew of 75 grand a week." SPEAKING WENG When...

George’s classic moment in time

Thommo's call to nature, Spanish lice, Jimmy leaves Keano pointless, Eamo's shortcut and more. OUT OF HIS TREE As a rule, Phil Thompson tells anyone who will listen how Liverpool are set to sweep all before them. But times have changed...

Gilesy sets us straight

Villa aim for mythical fifth, Arsene thrown, Marwood torn and the rest. GILESY RULES There are many philosophical attitudes to luck. The rationalist applies the laws of probability, the spiritualist performs his rituals and the numerologist picks his favourite digit. Well...

Has Jeff Stelling turned into Cyril Farrell?

Stelling's lovely wristy hurlers, Sherwood's bungled break-in, Joanne Cantwell takes pity and more. Has the smooth-talking Jeff Stelling suddenly become football's answer to Cyril "As such, Ger" Farrell? Maybe Jeff has allocated all of his vocabulary to his upcoming Countdown...

HALL OF GUFF

Eamon Dunphy

Graham Taylor

Kevin Keegan

John Motson

George Hamilton