Saturday, March 25, 2017

Salako spots advanced simulation

Big Phil gets his apron on and all the rest of this weekend's guff... NEXT STOP BROADWAY With diving and simulation nearing a fine art, it was only a matter of time before a Premier League footballer took full-time to the...

Bend it like Beattie

Jimmy makes magic, Stan's fat cats, two-faced Martin Fisher

Gilesy sets us straight

Villa aim for mythical fifth, Arsene thrown, Marwood torn and the rest. GILESY RULES There are many philosophical attitudes to luck. The rationalist applies the laws of probability, the spiritualist performs his rituals and the numerologist picks his favourite digit. Well...

Jimmy traps Brown in a lift

No losers for Jeff, Sbragia cut open, Silvestre's mickey and David Brady sets GAA guff standard.

Keys cries for Fellaini

Ashey absense weight off Geordies and all the this week's quick one-twos Mike Ashley's absence has already had its effect; Ian Darke: "A very, very thin crowd by Newcastle standards." Pronunciation of the week - Graeme Souness' take on Bolton's keeper; "Jastlun Chestunlaika" Ray...

Good times over for Gilesy

Honest Berba, Motty rewrites history and Thommo talks finance END OF AN ERA Emotional times in Montrose midweek. It seems we've heard for the last time the classic Gilesy admission... "Ahhh, I don't know a lot about these fellas, Bill." In this...

Liverpool’s relative success

Smudger risks Scouse wrath and rest of quick one-twos Alan Smith confirms Liverpool have always been a family club: "Liverpool have depended on that inbred discipline." Jamie Redknapp has Ricardo Fuller on the physio's sofa: "I don't know what state of mind his...

Stelling sticks it to Spurs

Giovanni sent to Hull and rest of this week's quick one-twos. The odds were against Brighton assistant Dean White: "We scored three goals at home, and ninety-nine times out of ten that'll be enough." Could the Andy Reid affair be one battle...

English as a foreign language with Jamie

More triffic insight from the tight-trousered dandy, Jeff's first conundrum and the rest... Dismantling the dictionary piece by piece: "That's the thing with Arsenal. They're either brilliant or completely inconsistent." *** WHAT DO YOU THINK RUUD? Gullit makes the case for Ronaldo:  "What if...

George’s classic moment in time

Thommo's call to nature, Spanish lice, Jimmy leaves Keano pointless, Eamo's shortcut and more. OUT OF HIS TREE As a rule, Phil Thompson tells anyone who will listen how Liverpool are set to sweep all before them. But times have changed...

Taylor discovers what those flags are for

Stelling comes down chimney, George tries his best, new autolino.   With even Reidy back in employment, isn't it high time the great managerial merry-go-round spat Graham Taylor back onto the spongy, padded surface of the Premier League? How can...

Ronaldo is a petulant brat, Bill

Eamon Dunphy's Ronaldo fatwa is back on with a bang baby. A less-than-inspiring turn against Celtic by the world's greatest player paved the way for a familiar night of family fun in Montrose. Taking advantage of Eamo's new fast-tracking programme that...

Has Jeff Stelling turned into Cyril Farrell?

Stelling's lovely wristy hurlers, Sherwood's bungled break-in, Joanne Cantwell takes pity and more. Has the smooth-talking Jeff Stelling suddenly become football's answer to Cyril "As such, Ger" Farrell? Maybe Jeff has allocated all of his vocabulary to his upcoming Countdown...

HALL OF GUFF

Eamon Dunphy

Graham Taylor

Kevin Keegan

George Hamilton

John Motson