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Quotes 2008-2009

Fergie puts the moves on the United bench

Houghton shock revelation, in the kitchen with Martin Fisher and Tony Cas plays Frankenstein.

Jimmy traps Brown in a lift

No losers for Jeff, Sbragia cut open, Silvestre's mickey and David Brady sets GAA guff standard.

Big Sam sweats as Beglin’s mind wanders

Gilesy feels heat, Tel fluent, Pleat confused, Champion spot on. HOT UNDER THE COLLAR With Fergie and Allardyce lecturing Benitez on humility, Gilesy wondered if the conditions in Big Sam's glasshouse were suitable for stone-throwing: "Sam Allardyce himself could get a few...

Italy v Ireland in torrents of guff

George doesn't add up. Eamo's history lesson, Gilesy on new-fangled technology. Eamo was rather pointed at half time after George spent much of the first half trying to convince Jim Beglin that Pazzini had sharpened and swung his elbow with...

Bend it like Beattie

Jimmy makes magic, Stan's fat cats, two-faced Martin Fisher

Brazil hails Villa’s boy wonder

Magic moment on Talksport as Alan Brazil gets text from moaning Gunner. Employing his trusted technique of engaging mouth mouth before brain, Big Al blustered in with typical   poise. "I wonder how Villa would fare with such injuries. It would...

Gilesy’s Seanfhocail

It has been a while since Gilesy unveiled another of his litany of footballing sean-fhocail. In truth, this is a body of work notable for its unfamiliarity to anyone but Gilesy himself. Although Today FM marvel Tom Tyrrell remains the undisputed...

Big Pat loses his shape

Big, big Jamie, Brown prepared, Gullit hasn't forgiven Shearer yet. Before United-Everton, Pat "Isosceles" Dolan saw another side to the Toffees' attacking options: "It's the golden triangle, Felliani and Cahill." THE NEW MASSIVE Forget your "top, top players", Jamie dug deep yesterday to...

Kaka snubs City carrot

What Ricky will miss out on, Ronnie's geography, Welsh woe, Jewell philosophy. Man City's Nedum Onuoha was convinced the prospect of shooting practise with Darius Vassell and Jo will be enough to swing the Kaka deal: "I think we would...

Mystic Lawro predicts

Merse repeats, Charlie lost in Europe, Cottee bored, Dan in Leitrim spot on. With no gossip at his disposal now that footballers are afraid to tell him anything, Lawro's latest trick is to predict the unpredictable: "They (West Ham) are unpredictable...

2008 in Guff: Deja vu all over again for Jeff Stelling

30. Jamie Redknapp had Ricardo Fuller on the physio's sofa: "I don't know what state of mind his body is in." 29. Chris Kamara discovered an unbelievable rock formation: "There's a gulf in class that's a mile wide at either side." 28. Phil...

Taylor discovers what those flags are for

Stelling comes down chimney, George tries his best, new autolino.   With even Reidy back in employment, isn't it high time the great managerial merry-go-round spat Graham Taylor back onto the spongy, padded surface of the Premier League? How can...

Has Jeff Stelling turned into Cyril Farrell?

Stelling's lovely wristy hurlers, Sherwood's bungled break-in, Joanne Cantwell takes pity and more. Has the smooth-talking Jeff Stelling suddenly become football's answer to Cyril "As such, Ger" Farrell? Maybe Jeff has allocated all of his vocabulary to his upcoming Countdown...



John Motson

Eamon Dunphy

Graham Taylor

Kevin Keegan

George Hamilton