Commentary Gabriel Egan-style as Cameron Jerome puts Birmingham 2-1 up;

“Ahhh, who go, a ha, here we go.”

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A poignant window into The Merse’s soul;

“Next year don’t come”

It’s around the time of year when youngsters everywhere are anxiously mulling over their futures, wondering just what line of work might eventually suit their raw talents.

All that uncertainty is over, however, for one troubled young man, as the Arsenal website brings news that the career guidance professionals have already dropped into the Emirates;

“Senderos - My love for basketball.”

As solved by Rio Ferdinand, and all the rest of the week’s guff.

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More England keeper trouble, six minute Fergie cries foul, Lawro danger in the workplace and more…

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Eamo’s sharpest u-turn and other stories…..

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Pick the bones out of this;

“As we’ve seen with other clubs, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need good management on the footballing side, is to pick the teams, and maybe when you not got as much money, you have to look and you have to delve, because we’ve seen Porstmouth do it and we’ve seen Everton do it, so why not, with a club that Liverpool is, would be able to attract a better quality of player, still, is, yes, we might have said, yeah, we’ll sit back, but because other clubs are doing it, you felt, you got to move on, you need this financial clout to go out, and that is the reason. And I can’t say that was a wrong decision. Now I can, but then…”

At the behest of Nicole Kidman, millions of ladies the world over are prodding a white Gameboy with a stick in a bid to improve brainpower.

And yet you’ll scarcely find a woman in the land to tune into Soccer Saturday for a far more compelling test of the mind’s dexterity, predicting the outcome of a Phi Thompson sentence:

“For me, you should… and you’re a great manager if… and what you do… and Rafa Benitez will be loved for ever more, if he can be… and I think he can do, if he takes, even what Jamie Redknapp was saying, if he… why does Rafa change things as much, more than what Sir Alex or Arsene Wenger with their teams?”

Any winners? Thought not.

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Could Kenny Cunningham happened across the life-saving intervention that will kickstart the Rafalution?

“Aston Villa are breathing down their throats.”

There was a now-rare moment of clarity from Motty during Liverpool’s Upton Park reverse midweek:

“Liverpool had two players running on to that, three if you count Dirk Kuyt.”

And Keggy is doing all he can to boost the morale of his goal-shy strikers:

“If you look at Adebayor, what I would say to Shola Ameobi is; “He is a similar size to you. Has he got more ability than you? Well, it would look so at the moment.”

Read all the weekend’s guff in today’s Champions supplement in the Irish Examiner

On Soccer AM, Cameron Jerome explained why he went a long way under Steve Bruce:

“The gaffer said he’d back me to the hills.”

Brave Scunthorpe manager Nigel Adkins won’t yet be raising the towel:

“We’re not relegated yet and there’ll be no throwing in of the white flag.”

The Merse was impressed with what Adebayor’s got under his locker:

“The two goals he got last week were on a top top drawer.”

And Chris Kamara was rather taken with the artwork in the Portsmouth tunnel:

“Look at the muriels on the wall.”

Read all the weekend’s guff in today’s Champions pullout in the Irish Examiner.

A seismic week for British culture. The yin and yang, the rough with the smooth, it’s swings and roundabouts, innit? Out goes Vera Duckworth, and back strides King Kev. What’s the reaction been like?

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Saturday’s reappearance of the popular Jimmy Bullard for Fulham after sixteen months out injured had Chris Kamara fighting a familiar battle with coherence:

“Four corners of the ground, and the sides of the ground, and well… the back of the ground, everybody basically, had a round of applause when Jimmy Bullard came on.”

Well, clearly not entirely everyone. When another long-term injury victim Julien Faubert was next to reappear, Kammy obviously found some extra cheerleaders in the rafters:

“If you think Jimmy Bullard got a reception, Faubert got a magnificent reception.”

A moment of magic from Jimmy as Tim Howard held onto a Martin Petrov effort:
“No sign of a spill. No jam down the side of the pot there.”

Credit where it’s due to Paul Jewell’s Five Live verdict on Big Sam:

“He will take his sacking on the chins.”

But no marks for the week’s unforgettable mental image, when discussing the signing of Danny Mills and Robbie Savage:

“Both were getting a massage lying next to each other on a bed comparing tattoos. So they seem to be best of lovers at the moment.”

Nice line from David Thompson on Soccer Am, who won’t be doing a Yosser Hughes for a while yet.

“So David you’ve retired now, have you got some work lined up?”
“Eh, I’m a Scouser… I don’t want a job.”

Check out all the weekend’s guff in today’s Champions supplement in the Irish Examiner.

Sadly it was Ireland’s Brightest Daily and not Billo that was treated to the inevitable Eamo climb-down on the “puffball” who “would never be a player as long as he had a hole in his arse.”

Some of the shocking confession from yesterday’s Star:

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A chipper Jeff Stelling took the appearance of Chasetown director Frank Carson to be something of a personal challenge on Saturday:

Sending off at Salisbury:
“Herring has been sent off, so presumably the ref said ‘Red, Herring’.”

St. Mirren hit by the winter vomiting bug:
“There’s an investigation going on. Not sure what that’s going to throw up.”

Chelsea-QPR:
“The haves against the haves.”

Spurs-Reading:
“It was 6-4 in the first set.”

Wes Brown to the Geordies:
“He’d be perfect wouldn’t he? Newcastle Brown.”

Delay at Goodison:
“After that fire in the chip shop, hopefully Oldham won’t take a battering.”

Chelsea’s penalty box antics:
“They can’t always rely on somebody breathing heavily on Michael Ballack can they?”

Check out all the weekend guff in the Champions pullout in today’s Irish Examiner

What a festive season its been for Jimmy Magee. We’ve enjoyed the full repertoire.

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“Gracious Ferguson” was the popular verdict on Saturday after Sir Alex conceded that United were “beaten by the better team” at Upton Park. But did anyone detect shades of the famous 1992 tantrum when Fergie famously described the effort the Hammers put into beating United as “obscene”?

“Most teams are motivated against us anyway… ”
“I suppose it was their biggest game of the season.”

Surely it’s not squeaky bum time already?

Handsome new addition to Merse’s fledgling lingo:

“Pizarro’s tried to be greedy and he’s done the Sunday roast. Goal kick.”

Liverpool would never have trouble qualifying if Ray Houghton was in charge.

“Last three games of the group, 15 points, absolutely fantastic.”

You were wondering why Sky’s Rob Palmer never really gets the big gigs?

“Tuncay’s goal was something special, something you can’t really negate for.”

Can we take it Eamo that Rio is no longer “a bad character, mentally slow, and a tramp?”

“Ferdinand and Vidic forming a wonderful partnership now.”

Check out all the rest of the week’s guff in the Champions pullout in The Irish Examiner

Some of the choice cuts this week from the DH Fine Emporium of Guff

Phil Thommo using his mangerial nous to get in the head of Juande Ramos:

“He’s put Zokora in there to look at maybe long-short term.”

Red Tom Tyrrell defends the good people of St. Helens from the greatest sleight of all:

“It used to be in Lancashire but it’s now on Merseyside, but the people of St. Helens are not Scousers, that’s for sure.”

And Martin O’Neill is subjected to another insightful grilling from Geoff “The Squeeze” Shreeves:

“It was a spirited comeback but had you left yourself too much to do?”

Poor Martin buckled under the grilling:

“Well naturally we had having gone three goals down with 20 minutes to go.”

Check out all the rest of the weekend’s guff in The Champions pullout in today’s Irish Examiner

After leaving in seven at Goodison, the Black Cats record signing suffered the ultimate sanction at Keano’s hands:

“Craig Gordon has been fingered and dropped.”

Harsh but fair.

And Jim had his own cruel verdict for Kenwyn Jones and his clumsy brand of profligacy:

“Ahh, denied by the upright. Or maybe he denied himself.”

Perched as he undoubtedly was in a Montrose broom cupboard, there was a suspicion Jim had the old gramophone going in the background. Though we had him down as more of a Chuck Mangione man.

“That needed another brick in the wall. There’s a touch of the Pink Floyds there.”

There was time for the George-style jinxing:

“It’s a very good away point for Derby County.”

Before the classic Jim signoff:

“And the final score at the Stadium of Light – where the end of the tunnel it was – is one to nil.”