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Pards knows where Newcastle are going wrong

And all the rest of the weekend in guff

Jeff Stelling takes control of Merse’s finances

Nothing changes for Shay Given, Charlie Nicholas is a snake charmer.

Richard Keys is mean to poor Paul Merson

Big split at Spurs, Alan Green gifts Fergie a lift, David Pleat optimistic.

Conor Mac living the life in Paris

Having comprehensively completed his BBC reprogramming transfusion, wasn't TV3 prodigal son Conor MacNamara rather giddy indeed that his new egg-chasing gig has taken him off the Five Live northern cloggers circuit and into the City of Love. The accent is...

Big-hearted Kammy eats his words

Russell Osman gets off to a strong start while Alan Hansen risks life and limb

Quotes of the Week: Fulham earn corn for Kamara

Curbs goes out on a limb, Merse sticks his neck out and Alan Parry gets out the magic sponge

Red Tom Tyrrell and co ride on

Some of the choice cuts this week from the DH Fine Emporium of Guff Phil Thommo using his mangerial nous to get in the head of Juande Ramos: "He's put Zokora in there to look at maybe long-short term." Red Tom Tyrrell...

Jamie divides and conquers Spain

Modern Merse livens up the Bingo.
Peter Drury

Peter Drury rummages deep in bottomless pit of condescension

Day 5: Recall Pete's 'Goal for all Africa' at the last World Cup. Has he out-patronised himself for Poland's equaliser?

The week in guff: Merse is shocking on Leicester

Michael Owen takes the cautious approach in Europe.

Week in Guff: Merse a fish out of his tree

He was in Dublin during the week plugging Soccer Saturday, and Paul Merson didn't let us down on the opening day, greeting Roque Santa Cruz's debut header for Blackburn thus: "He's rose like a fish." Manfully giving voice to the...

Getting steamy in RTE as Roon demoted

The interscope in DH Towers is shut down at 5 on the dot every evening so we've no idea what kind of behind the scenes activities you can access via rte.ie's Big Cup service but according to the on-screen...

Sticky hands from Mister Magee

A moment of magic from Jimmy as Tim Howard held onto a Martin Petrov effort: "No sign of a spill. No jam down the side of the pot there." Credit where it's due to Paul Jewell's Five Live verdict on...



Eamon Dunphy

Graham Taylor

John Motson

Kevin Keegan

George Hamilton