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Bend it like Beattie

Jimmy makes magic, Stan's fat cats, two-faced Martin Fisher

Week in Guff: Ronnie Whelan gets to bottom of Riise power

Football Focus on Saturday provided the clearest evidence yet what damage a lifetime of heading the ball can do to the brain. According to Martin Keown, this is... "... the strongest Everton squad you can ever remember." Tell that...

Merse loses tooth but ploughs on in own lingo bid

In recent times we've been following with some interest Paul Merson's brave bid for noun-free living. Dodgy fullbacks have had "an absolute torrid", stricken strikers have "had a lot of medical on" and Sammy Lee followed "Big" into the...

Taylor discovers what those flags are for

Stelling comes down chimney, George tries his best, new autolino.   With even Reidy back in employment, isn't it high time the great managerial merry-go-round spat Graham Taylor back onto the spongy, padded surface of the Premier League? How can...

Mancini subjecting his babies to terror regime

Jamie's medical investigations continue, Alan Brazil pigeon fancier.

2013 in Guff – Charlie Nicholas finds the positives

It might even have been the year that guff fought back.

Conor Mac living the life in Paris

Having comprehensively completed his BBC reprogramming transfusion, wasn't TV3 prodigal son Conor MacNamara rather giddy indeed that his new egg-chasing gig has taken him off the Five Live northern cloggers circuit and into the City of Love. The accent is...

The Merse backs a hunch about Southampton

And all the rest of the week's guff
Eamon Dunphy

Would you let Eamon Dunphy drive the train to Cork?

For those of you that missed it, the night's comi-tragedy in a nutshell. Stan professes admiration for Czech's "post-match partying behaviour" - as Billo delicately put it: "They're a very talented team... and they're very competitive underneath." Apple falls on Stan's head...

Kaka snubs City carrot

What Ricky will miss out on, Ronnie's geography, Welsh woe, Jewell philosophy. Man City's Nedum Onuoha was convinced the prospect of shooting practise with Darius Vassell and Jo will be enough to swing the Kaka deal: "I think we would...

Don’t invite Merse round for board games

Time flies for Brucie,Villa strip, Alanis Hamilton, Shakira speaks

Keggy talk of the toon

A seismic week for British culture. The yin and yang, the rough with the smooth, it's swings and roundabouts, innit? Out goes Vera Duckworth, and back strides King Kev. What's the reaction been like? Big Sam hasn't taken things well: "I...

Kenny with kiss of life for Liverpool?

Could Kenny Cunningham happened across the life-saving intervention that will kickstart the Rafalution? "Aston Villa are breathing down their throats." There was a now-rare moment of clarity from Motty during Liverpool's Upton Park reverse midweek: "Liverpool had two players running on to...



Eamon Dunphy

Graham Taylor

John Motson

Kevin Keegan

George Hamilton