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	<title>Football quotes, humour and opinions - dangerhere.com &#187; Small Parallelogram</title>
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		<title>How to get an All-Ireland final ticket</title>
		<link>http://www.dangerhere.com/how-to-get-an-all-ireland-final-ticket/</link>
		<comments>http://www.dangerhere.com/how-to-get-an-all-ireland-final-ticket/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:26:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Chef</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Small Parallelogram]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dangerhere.com/?p=1320</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Understandably enough you’re starting to worry. You’re sure you’ve tried every possible avenue; the lad at work from the club in Mayo, the brother’s girlfriend’s cousin who cleans the windows in Ken’s sports shop, the PP, the curate – you’ve got cold feet halfway up the Bishop’s driveway. You’ve severed relations with the young one you met in Langtons whose salacious, late-night promises of corporate box access failed to survive the cold light of day. Or will you text her again just in case? No, don’t panic yet. First make sure you’ve tried this lot; Remind the club secretary of the time&#8230; He had you on the back foot straight away during the week, with poisonous talk of unpaid subs and your marked lack of active participation since the time you let in six goals through your legs in an U14 B debacle. Time to turn the tables; Is it widely known what promises he had to make to get his young lad on the Tony Forristel? Were all those bottles of Blue Nun at the Sale of Work accounted for? Had he anything to do with the suggestions of impropriety that saw the set dancers reduced to seven before the second figure in the Scor county final. All these lads have weaknesses. It’s up to you to find them. Shift one of the players Even in these enlightened times, this one is perhaps better employed by the women out there, although that’s not to say that an All-Ireland final banquet isn’t the ideal arena for a county man to come out. But there’s a tried-and-trusted formula that has served enterprising ladies well for years. Check into the Burlo tonight and emerge complaining from your room in your best nightdress when you hear the lads pucking up and down the corridor. Nowadays, teams travelling on the day can stymie the best, er, laid plans but wherever you find him, choose your man carefully though – there’s no good picking out a grand, quiet corner back who’ll be afraid to tell the mother she’ll have to go to Hill 16 tomorrow. See if there’s any funerals rising out Wear the county polo shirt – ideal for drawing down the match during those crucial seconds following “Sorry for your trouble, missus.” Imply strongly that the great orator with one arm was a lifelong friend of the deceased. Be strong &#8211; tact and diplomacy will have another day out. Any failure of nerve will be all the more galling when you see the departed’s brother on the telly Sunday week, up in the Hogan and the funeral Mass barely over. Actually, don’t mind what the mother says – wear the country jersey. Exhaust the six degrees of separation Kevin Bacon won’t be worth three knobs to you this weekend but successive censuses have confirmed what everyone knew anyway – there’s nobody in the country more than six steps from being related to Donie Nealon. And sure Donie wouldn’t see a pal stuck would [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Inside an Aussie Rules recruitment camp</title>
		<link>http://www.dangerhere.com/inside-an-aussie-rules-recruitment-camp/</link>
		<comments>http://www.dangerhere.com/inside-an-aussie-rules-recruitment-camp/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 09 Aug 2009 08:12:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Chef</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Small Parallelogram]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[aussie rules]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gaa]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dangerhere.com/?p=1286</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Stone the flamin’ crows – Ricky Nixon and his mates have got the GAA spewin’. Blind Freddie can see Gaelic football could be in more strife than Ned Kelly after those no-good mongrels from the footy are hot to trot to find the next little ripper they can coax into shooting through Down Under to make a quid. And when they get to these training camps, our young blokes don’t just spend their time running round like a bunch of chooks. We’ve got the lowdown on what exactly goes down. Fair dinkum. Psychological profiling Nothing too demanding here. Ricky just makes sure these drongos haven’t got a kangaroo loose in the top paddock. So after a dero’s breakfast – a yawn, a leak and a good look round – the lads are set a series of psychological posers to ensure they’re cut out for life in Oz. Sure enough, Ricky is soon grinning like a shot fox when none of the lads register the slightest interest in fine cuisine, good music or international culture. Dispute resolution techniques Or more commonly referred to as; Handling Yourself in a Blue. The boys are encouraged to pair up and kick off some agro until some sook is creamed. But Ricky is cross as a frog in a sock when all the bouts end prematurely with one of the lads going down like a roll of lino as if he’s carked it. A stern warning follows that any gutless wonder continuing to employ the O’Mahony Method will be thrown out on his clacker. Post-match refuelling Again better known in-house as Handling Your Grog – a devilishly simple eliminator where the boys are required to ingest a selection of coldies and tinnies and a drop of turps until someone is full as a butcher’s pup and produces the evening’s first technicolor yawn. Unfortunately for one promising wing-back, a simple request for a Bacardi Breezer brought a premature end to his hopes. “Don’t come the raw prawn with me, mate,” barked a furious Nixon. Dressing room etiquette Day two promises plenty more bloody hard yakka so Ricky chucks a couple of snags on the barbie for the bunch of dills. A gauche young defender who had earlier sneaked a packet of Monster Munch is soon suffering badly from flatulence. Ricky is impressed; “A bit more choke and you would have started, mate.” But it brings up the important area of dressing room decorum where Ricky emphasises how, postgame, an Aussie player must first put back on his shirt and jacket, knot his tie, blow-dry his mullet and shoot the breeze for 20 minutes before he can consider putting back on his underpants. In the rare event, of course, that he sports an underpants. The session ends on a sour note when one galah who preferred a blast of Lynx to a dip is lambasted for having a Pommy Shower. Demotivational speaking In the avo, the boys are given a basic grounding in sledging. After a video [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
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		<title>Dublin &#8211; Kerry: Soon it will be over</title>
		<link>http://www.dangerhere.com/dublin-kerry-soon-it-will-be-over/</link>
		<comments>http://www.dangerhere.com/dublin-kerry-soon-it-will-be-over/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 02 Aug 2009 21:51:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Chef</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Small Parallelogram]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dublin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gaa]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gaelic football]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kerry]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dangerhere.com/?p=1222</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The thick and fast procession of championship games the qualifier system ensures mightn&#8217;t suit everyone. Club players are booking then cancelling holidays with reckless disregard for the hanging threat of the divorce courts. The TV lads don’t know where they’ll be from one week to the next. And spare a thought for the hats, scarves and headbands brigade – whose procurement divisions have come under unprecedented strain. But let’s focus on the positives. Realistically, could any of us have faced more than eight days build up to Kerry &#8211; Dublin? Here’s what another week would inevitably have brought us. The love that dare speak its name Forget the Turkish Wives’ Club, is there a more off-putting romantic vista than the appalling spectacle of middle-aged men from opposite ends of the land swearing undying love for one another? Give it another few days and we’ll get chapter and verse on the courtship that lasts a lifetime. That weekend the Bomber called into the Burlo and didn’t go home til Thursday. The time the whole Dublin half-back line slept under Mickey Ned’s stairs until he ran out of brown bread, the cure hoor. Are there grants available to set up mutual appreciation exchange programmes? The free Apparently, Mikey Sheehy scored a goal from a free in 1978 while Paddy Cullen was wandering about near the sideline enquiring about B&#38;B’s in Ventry. You probably don’t believe me, but there’s definitely some rarely-seen footage of it out there. If only we had another few days to analyse it, we might learn what Paddy said to the ref, what Mikey said to Paddy and discover Con Houlihan’s reservations about Paddy’s baking skills. The well-connected Envisage a story if you will. There are three characters. Paidi, Charlie and Bertie. What? You’ve already heard enough? You’re growing puce with rage. Apologies. The attempted beheading When Sean Doherty clattered Mickey Ned, was there a small bit of malice it in? Was it Mickey Ned’s own fault for making one burst too many? Does he remember anything at all before waking up in the hospital? Isn’t it a wonder nobody at all has asked these lads? Pure gas Was it 20 Carroll’s Heffo looked for when he pulled into the shop in Listowel a few weeks after the big beating in ’78? A pity there’s not a few more days to dwell on it and we might find out what your man said back to him. It was hardly “It’s 20 Player’s you want,” was it? The mode of transport For a few days there, the protests of the Clonliffe Road residents threatened to put back all of this weekend’s fixtures. Were they concerned about the racket Bono’s removal boys, or indeed Bono himself, had been making? Not at all. With another week’s build-up, they hoped to find out whether Paidi came up on the bus or the train that time. And whether Joe McNally was hit by a bus or a train. Now we’ll never know. Bachelor boys [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
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