This week saw the Confederations Cup final, a sort of World Cup warm-up tournament that the Brazilians did their best to pretend they were interested in winning, as well as the Euro Under 21 Championships which featured England and Germany in the final.Both of course can be seen as contained within the 2008/09 football season calendar, which began last August. Yet also this week 2009/10 pre-season started for most Coca-Cola League clubs. So, in fact, the football seasons have now merged into one year long campaign.

Great some football fans might say, but can you get too much of a good thing? Is it another example of the commercialisation of football? After all if you want to make money out of the game you won’t want a break, you want to maximise the product and maximise profits, even if the quality drops rapidly. ‘If they like it, give em more,’ the money men will say.

Apart from making the players’ holidays shorter year on year, what we also have to put up with now is all manner of promotional tours masquerading as pre-season friendlies. They usually involve trips to ‘untapped markets’ like North America or South East Asia where they, somewhat patronisingly, expect to turn up and all of a sudden half the population will become fans and spend millions of pounds a year on merchandise.

The players spend as much time signing shirts, smiling and showing off the new kit as playing football and preparing for the new season. I doubt some of these trips have much tangible benefit to the players, jetting off all over the world with all that encompasses is hardly the best way to get fit ahead of a new campaign. But once again the chairman needs to pay the bills and if that is to be funded by opening a shop in China then so be it.

The ironic thing is they are a) giving me something to talk about over the summer and b) giving me something to watch other than tennis.

Maybe the money men are right after all?

So the last thing you would expect him to speak out about is the economy. Footballers, with their extortionate wages, fast cars and luxury mansions are hardly the prime victims of the credit crunch. In fact resentment towards them has probably increased as the masses have struggled to make ends meet, only bankers and MPs currently get a rougher ride.

But Alonso has done his best to further distance footballers with the people who pay their wages by fretting about the fall of the Pound against the Euro and the new higher tax band.

Alonso said:

“Of course we think about it, we’re not stupid. We keep an eye on these things. When you see your contract down by 30 per cent, then you cannot be happy.

“Hopefully over the next few months and years it will get back to what it was not so long ago. But I cannot do anything – it must be Gordon Brown.”

Yep I can just imagine Jamie Carragher discussing the pros and cons of Labour’s fiscal policy with Albert Reira and Lucas. At least Alonso knows who Gordon Brown is, though I doubt Brown is going to lose sleep over our poor Premier League footballers feeling the pinch when the rest of the economy is in freefall. In fact it is about time that some of the obscene piles of cash plundering through the system are ploughed back into something more constructive than fast cars, poncy haricuts and wags’ shopping bills. Many people won’t be too sad to see the flow of the Premier League’s gravy train stemmed a little bit.

Harsh economic times will always increase the resentment between the haves and have nots, so Alonso’s comments, however innocent, will not go down too well. Given he has yet to commit his future to Liverpool, don’t be surprised if he follows the favourable exchange rate across the water this summer.

Well for starters you could buy 26,755,852 Big Macs – because whenever anyone does a piece like this they compare it to a price of a big Mac, the true international currency!

Or how about 444 Ferrari 599s? So each time Ronaldo crashes one he has plenty spare.

There is always Newcastle United (perhaps minus Michael Owen and Joey Barton to bring reduce baggage and bring the price down). A fairly obvious one, everyone has had a right old chuckle at Newcastle’s expense (again!!) by looking at the tiny £20 million difference in the price of one player and a whole football club. Anyone else see the ‘advert’ for the club posted on the United website? It’s like the ones you see in a newsagent window. The drop to the Championship has clearly hit them hard.

Why not Rescue Setanta? A £50 million down payment could be all that is needed to save the ‘troubled Irish broadcaster’ (as it is now known) leaving £30 million spare to buy Carlos Tevez. United could then make sure those pesky 12.45 trips to Portsmouth are eradicated and put all the fixtures after Champions League games back a day to help recovery.

Hang on doesn’t that already happen??

Need somewhere to send the WAGS to keep the players free from distractions? Well why not buy the Island of Ilha Paraty, a tropical Island just off the coast of Rio DI Janiero?  The cost? 12,000,000 Brazilian Reals, or 3.8 million quid, so you could buy enough for the first team and substitutes.

Finally, just to show how mad the whole situation is, Fergie could donate it to WaterAid to ensure that roughly 5.3 million people have access to safe water, sanitation and hygiene education.

Has football now lost all its morals???

It’s like a high stakes poker game with likes of Abramovich, Sheikh Mansour and Florentino Pérez sat on the top table rabidly raising the stakes to unprecedented levels.

Read More…
Let’s start with Man City. Mark Hughes had had an Arab wallet bulging with cash burning a hole in his pocket for months now and he wasted no time in snaring Gareth Barry from Aston Villa for £12 million quid. Yes this is the same Gareth Barry who wanted to play Champions League football - Yet City aren’t even in the Europa League and at 28 Barry can hardly argue it is a long term ambition. The logic? Well it’s amazing how things can change with 80-100k a week wafted under your nose.

Over in Spain and Florentino Pérez is back which, of course, means a return of his infamous Galacticos, an annual circus whereby Madrid pay obscene amounts of money for the current world player of the year. This is regardless of whether that player will fit into the side and the opinion of the coach, who is clearly just a yes man in Perez’s expensive game of fantasy football. Next on the list is Kaka, who will cost the GDP of a small country at £60 million with sulky Portuguese Ronaldo next in line. More evidence that Perez has more money than is good for him is the curious clause agreed last summer whereby Real have to pay Man United £20 million if they DON’T sign Ronaldo by the end of the month.

I’ll leave you to work that one out.

The madness of King Tony.

Is he hearing voices in his head? Either that Tony Adams has come up with a novel way of finding employment - make up an elaborate back-story involving a close friend and a fabricated “recommendation”.

Adams: “When Celtic approached Wim [Jansen] he very kindly said that Tony Adams was the man they needed to go and get.
“I really appreciate and I’m really thankful that there are people in the game who are batting for me and putting me up for the jobs.”

Wim Jansen: “I’m not interested in the Celtic job. I don’t know anything about it.

“I have never suggested anything about Celtic.”

Nice try Tony.

Salt in the wounds.

Fresh from an FA Cup final defeat Evertonian wounds won’t have been lifted by the comments of John Terry last weekend who gave us an insight into his thoughts when he was lifting the Cup.

“Yes, I did think ‘Wrong cup’…. at the back of my mind, I was hoping I could rewind and that it was the Champions League trophy.”

Beaten by a team who didn’t even want to win, nice.

Now I’m not knocking him, he seems like a thoroughly  decent bloke and one that would be of benefit to the Premier League should he return, but the praise he is receiving is a bit over the top considering he inherited one of the best squads in Europe. Their main problem seemed to be that the players didn’t like their last manager ‘big Phil’ Scolari and, if tabloid rumour is to be believed, refused to play for him.

Therefore all ‘big’ Guus needed to do was turn on the Dutch charm and massage those huge egos that are found in the Stamford Bridge dressing room. Perhaps compliment them on their hair, their flashy cars or latest Gucci man bag?

Whatever he said it worked on Saturday, well from 25 seconds onwards. Louis Saha reminded everyone that when he isn’t on the treatment table he can play, smashing a volley past Peter Cech in the opening minute. Unfortunately for Everton it came 89 minutes too early and, stunned at the thought of hanging on to a lead for 89 minutes, they proceeded to sit back and let Chelsea play. And play they did, winning the game with a spectacular strike from Lampard.

For Everton the defeat looked hard to take. The fans, cooking in the afternoon sun, haven’t tasted success for 14 years and sang like they really wanted it. “Our biggest game” and “my greatest achievement” were some of the quotes from the players before the match.

Champion of wig-sellers everywhere, Marouane Fellaini, ran off the pitch in tears at the final whistle, though that could be because his mid-season promise not to get a hair-cut until the end of the season now means the scissors are not far away.

What makes it more galling for the Everton players is the reaction of the Chelsea players and fans. Many of them saw the Cup only as a consolation prize following their Champions League defeat, as well as a nice parting gift for their departing boss. A bit like the office whip round that didn’t raise as much as they would like. So instead of the toaster all they could get was a nice big card and a box of chocolates.

“Two years is too long without a trophy,” John Terry declared, rubbing salt in Evertonian wounds as they trudged off contemplating a 15th year without so much as an Intertoto cup for their efforts.

But what may have cheered them up a bit was the frankly bizarre sight of Hiddink and Roman Abramovich doing some strange dancing ritual around the Chelsea room.  Hiddink, complete with huge cigar, looked every bit like an embarrassing Uncle trying to dance at a wedding while Abramovich had that familiar puzzled expression on his face that belays the fact he is a ruthless billionaire oil baron.

Rumours however that Roman and Hiddink will join up with Phil ‘Pavarotti’ Brown to form a musical dance trio and enter the next series of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ are unconfirmed.

Well Survival Sunday, as Sky have so loved to label it this week, turned into a bit of a damp squib as all four teams involved showed little desire to stay in the top division.

Much of the tabloid hype pre-match surrounded Sir Alex Ferguson’s team selection, with the Sun claiming the three North-East clubs would be so furious if a weakened team was put out they would start legal action (though rather unsurprisingly when questioned on the issue the three respective managers didn’t seem that fussed).

Well when they caught wind of Fergie’s starting XI, six members of which had played in the Manchester Senior Cup the previous week, they must have started to feel a little nervous.

But while everyone was making a fuss about United they neglected the fact that Hull are so dreadful Fergie could have played himself up front with Mike Phelan on the wing and they could have brushed past Phil Brown’s outfit.

I know the Tigers did superbly in the first half of the season, receiving genuine plaudits for their style of play rather than just patronising slaps on the back for punching above their weight. But surely as the Hull fans jumped around the pitch in celebration they must have known they have effectively stayed up by default? One win in 21 isn’t the sign of a team fighting for their lives.

But that didn’t stop perma-tanned wonder (David Dickinson has been booted off that particular pedestal) Phil Brown snatching a microphone for a sing-song with the fans after the game - where did that booming voice come from??

I thought for a moment Pavarotti had arisen, donned a leather jacket and futuristic mobile headset and warmed up for a rendition of Nessun Dorma with the City faithful. It was cringe worthy to say the least, and what is now known as a ‘Delia Smith’ moment.

We can look forward to more Phil Brown antics next year though as they survived due to a team actually being worse than them – yes you know who.

I deliberately haven’t mentioned the Geordies till now due to everyone else seemingly going on about them. I haven’t known such a popular relegation since Leeds United, most fans I know seem utterly delighted that the circus at St James’ Park has finally succumbed to relegation. I think that in part is due to the fuss the media make of them. Sky in particular have had a love affair with all things Black and White since Kevin Keegan threw away the league in 1996. They also have a habit of tracking down the most moronic, incoherent fans and inviting them to comment live on TV about the latest chapter in the Geordie soap opera -  which surely paints an unfair picture of what is on the whole a passionate, loyal fan-base let down badly by the club they so slavishly support.

Since Keegan Mk I  there has been a succession of false dawns, knee-jerk sackings and over-paid under-performing players. While I wouldn’t wish relegation on anyone, it is a horrible thing to go through, maybe this is the wake up call the club needs to arrest the slide in standards that has been going on for years.

A clear-out and a few years out of the limelight could rejuvenate them….or they could ‘do a Leeds’ and disappear without trace. Either way it seems a safe football bet that it won’t be the last you have heard of Newcastle United.

DOING IT FOR THE GAFFER

In what was surely the most controversial moment in Premier Soccer Saturday history, Ray Houghton blew the lid off the seedy motivation behind Sir Fergie’s selection decisions:

“When they’re angry and aggrieved at not being in the side, he knows they’re going to put out for him.”

WHO ARE YA?

If Carlos Tevez doesn’t believe he is part of the Manchester United family, how must  Danny Wellbeck feel after joining the title celebrations only to be introduced as “Frazer Campbell”?

BURN WATER

Setanta’s Martin Fisher is not someone you want to let loose in your kitchen:

“It’s like he had Teflon in those gloves of his as the ball stayed stuck in them.”

UP TO DATE

But whatever you say about Martin, he’s never one to miss out on the latest fad:

“In these days of mobile phone technology, lots of people will be getting updates.”

A LITTLE HARSH

Fisher wasn’t surprised when Jonas Gutierrez was substituted on Saturday but he also felt his countryman could have done more to change the game during his frequent warm-ups:

“He’s going to sit with his Argentinean colleague, the equally ineffective Colochini.”

THE BINARY RAINBOW

What a kaleidoscope awaited Angus Scott at St James’s Park:

“A sea of colour, black and white…”

GETTING A TASTE FOR IT

Matt Jackson could cut the atmosphere with a knife – and then polish it off with nice Chianti:

“The tension is palatable.”

FOG ON THE TYNE

Gazza sets a mathematical poser for Alan Shearer:

“I think five points from our two games will keep us up now.”

LOOK OUT JAWS

Never try to rescue Pat Dolan before breakfast:

“If I got on a lifeboat with Gareth Southgate, I’d jump in, even if there were sharks in the water.”

NEW LEFT PEG

Remember Michael Essien’s long-term injury? Few are aware he was painstakingly reconstructed in Tony Cascarino’s secret laboratory:

“That’s not his natural left foot.”

AU NATUREL

Jeff Stelling: “Are Hull still beavering away, Charlie?”

Charlie Nicholas: “Oh yes, the beavers are out today”   .

TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

On Jacqui Oatley’s BBC blog, she seems to think this was an unintentional putdown:

“When you commentate for Match of the Day, do you sit anywhere near the proper commentators?”

SEEING THE GOOD IN PEOPLE

United fans: “Vieira, whoa oh oh… He gave Giggsy the ball. And Arsenal won f*** all.”

Martin Tyler: “Arsenal getting good vocal backing here.”

GET OUT OF THAT GARDEN

Gol TV maestro Ray Hudson is delighted that Barcelona continue to blossom:

“It’s no machine this. Don’t ever call this team a machine, they are botanical.”

But before then there is still some action to look back on and tales of managerial emotions as the ‘business’ end of the season is upon us. Some are happy, some are sad, and others are just plain annoyed…

Happy: Sir Alex Ferguson.
Well happy is an understatement. Fergie has had this 18th League title in his sights for a long time. I get the impression that he will never quit until he has overtaken Liverpool in terms of League and European success, and, with regards to Premier League betting, you wouldn’t go against him doing it, particularly on the evidence of this season.

Sad: Tony Mowbray.
The inevitable finally happened on Sunday in a match that was a microcosm of West Brom’s season. A decent start, they fluffed their chances before a comedy defensive error yet again gifted Liverpool the lead. There was no great escape this time but don’t be surprised if they swap places with Birmingham again next year.

Relieved: Mark Hughes.
Sparky has avoided the axe – for now. Their mega-rich owners have decided to stick with Hughes, despite guiding City to the dizzy heights of 10th after spending billions of pounds on the likes of Craig Bellamy and failing to buy Kaka. Expect plenty of tabloid rumours about Raul,Messi and the like over the summer - but they will probably end up signing David Bentley.

Uncertain: Arsene Wenger.
Perhaps the first sign that Wenger is frustrated at having the purse strings tightened at the Emirates can be seen in his admission that it would be “interesting” to work with Florentino Perez if the former Real Madrid president returns to the Bernabeu this summer as expected. After failing to win a trophy since 2005 and the fans’ patience being tested for the first time, Wenger might use it as an excuse to jump ship – or is being very clever and worrying the Arsenal board enough to make sure they give him enough money to persuade him to stay. I guess we will wait and see.

Worried: Alan Shearer.
Oh dear oh dear, the Geordie messiah is on the verge of taking his beloved club down to the Championship. A victory over Boro last Monday set them up perfectly on Saturday, but they failed to turn up and Fulham came away with the win. They now have to travel to Villa and better Hull’s result against Man United to stay up. On the face of it, it is very possible but given United will be off to Rome a few days after the game, expect a youthful side to travel to the KC, much to Shearer’s frustration.

And finally…

Our loveable Rafa. The turning point in the season perhaps coincided with his Keegan-esque rant at Alex Ferguson in January, as Liverpool stuttered and United went a record 14 games without conceding a goal. The pair have traded verbal insults ever since in what has become an amusing footnote to the year. To finish it all off in his post-match interview against WBA on Sunday Rafa, rather stubbornly, refused to congratulate Alex Ferguson on his title win:

“I will say congratulations to Manchester United. They have done well, but I do not want to say too much. Normally you have to be polite and respect the other manager. During the season we have seen a lot of things I didn’t like, so that’s it.”

Will this make Rafa more determined to win the league next year? Or has Fergie got him right where he wants him?

I can’t wait till next season already!!