SHORT MEMORY

A week is a long time in football for Setanta’s Des Curran:

“They just don’t do nil-nils do they, Tottenham?”

GANDHI

The anger management classes have worked wonders for Kenny Cunningham:

“A difficult decision for the referee’s assistant. I wouldn’t beat him up over it.”

HEALTH AND SAFETY

Jimmy Magee knows player safety is paramount, particularly during the opening 45 minutes:

“They cannot take a chance with head knocks and they won’t. Certainly not until after half time.”

WASTED EFFORT

Leonardo found it difficult to motivate his players against Schalke on Tuesday night, particularly after Glenn Hoddle had announced their elimination from the competition:

“Tottenham took Inter Milan back to the Lane and knocked them out.”

DOW JONES

After Inter’s 5-2 home defeat, Iain Dowie was handed the abacus, before quickly handing it back again:

“I can’t even calculate how many they have to score in the second leg – is it seven or something?

DOUBLE JOBBING

Glenn Hoddle got to work padding out Crouchy’s CV:

“He’s played in World Cups and he’s played in international football.”

MORAL HAZARD

Let’s give Talksport’s Micky Quinn the very last word on Wayne Rooney’s friendly chat with the camera:

“A lot of people are jumping on the moral background.”

YOUTH PROJECT

Ray Wilkins would take a different approach to cleaning up the game, starting with the audience:

“Unfortunately we’ve got a lot of children watching football.”

JUST AS WELL

Then again, perhaps Butch’s concerns are valid:

“As a man who has been injured for a while, you’d expect Ronaldo to have been tugged off by now.”

STAY ON YOUR FEET

Of course Wilkins’ performance last Tuesday night was most notable for him roaring “Stay on your feet!” at Tottenham players roughly every ten seconds, not to mind unfathomably referring to Spurs as “we” for the duration of their Bernabéu embarrassment. @RioFerdy5 was quick to join in the fun on Twitter to get #StayOnYourFeet trending.

Cut to Wednesday evening and the aftermath of Chelsea-United when a grinning Rio managed to insert “We’ll have to stay on our feet at Old Trafford” into his post-match ITV interview.

REF CHICKENED OUT

Ray also brought news of the unusual ritual that saw Spurs escape the concession of an early penalty:

“To get away with a decision like that as the home side, they have to count their chickens.”

MORE BULL

A Spanish referee for Chelsea-United was a red rag to George Hamilton:

“The referee is from Pamplona, let’s hope there’s nothing bullish about the performance.”

GREAT SCOTT

Cautious Scott Minto isn’t counting any chickens for the winners of the United-Chelsea tie:

“If you get past Schalke you would expect to get to the final.”

INSIGHT

Jamie Redknapp didn’t become a top, top pundit without meticulous preparation and research:

“He’ll be down, I know my dad very well.”

NUMBERS MAN

Jamie is also widely admired in the mathematics community for his ability to calculate ratios using a single number:

“That’s ten goals for Adebayor versus Spurs, that’s a great ratio.”

TIME OF HIS LIFE

The news of Mike Parry’s departure from Talksport came as something of a blow to fans of guff. They need not have worried, judging by an early Parry gambit from his stint on BBC Five Live’s 6-0-6:

“It’s 6.48 with me and Robbie Savage on Talksport.”

THREE CARD TRICK

Alan Pardew impresses Alan McInally with his entertaining dealing:

“He’s had to juggle the pack.”

HAIRDRYER TREATMENT

Rapid Bucharest gaffer Marius Sumudica  is not a great believer in keeping criticism in the dressing room – at least when it comes to defender  Marius Constantin:

“He stinks of beer and smokes. If you go in his room the smoke is so dense you could leave a bike standing upright unsupported. He likes the minibar and uses gum to clean his breath. You know, I don’t care for him.”

 

Spotter’s badges to  NotDanWalker,  bootsybah,  TheRealPsycrow,  alconroy,  Haganator,  tcmurph,  niall77

 

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