Cup crap. Big Ben guff. Felix gets cream
A hungover Nell McCafferty. With a pack of cards. And an old Paul Daniels video. Half of which has had Murder She Wrote taped over it. Could produce more magic. Than the eon-sponsored. For that is how media outlets. And naturally this is one. Refer to it as. FA Cup. And yes. We are speaking slowly and distinctly. As Geoff Shreeves might do. In the manner of a simpleton. When he is addressing post match. A foreign player. Who more often than not. Has a grasp of English. Far superior. To this almost more irritating than Houghton. Of men.
But anyway, could Blackburn’s newest Jon Stead, Matt Derbyshire, have summed up the moribundity of the old trophy any more succinctly after Rover’s facile win at Luton:
“We were just delighted to get three points.”
These days, the likelihood of the big boys getting turned over by a lesser light is so remote – and the Beeb’s opportunities to show football so scarce – that they seem to think we want even more of the same all-Premiership dross we see every other week - except with non-senile commentators.
Ray Stubbs has even taken to magicing up more of these intriguing ties just to keep our attention:
“Let’s go across to the all-Premiership tie between Birmingham and Reading.”
For those who couldn’t stomach watching Arsenal and Bolton go through the motions at the Emirates, at least Graham Taylor was on hand to liven up their radio pleasure. Noting the stricture of a limping Kevin Davies, Taylor sagely observed:
“If they lose him, it’ll be a loss”
There was a lot more fun to be hand at the CIS semi on Setanta where the fact that Falkirk keeper Kasper Schmeichel almost shared his name with a cartoon character was of immense amusement to one of the pundits. The gentleman in question? None other than Felix Healy.
Finally, you thought Moycal McMullen had it tough on Live after Five? Or Alan Green copped a lot of grief on 606? Spare a thought for the boys on the magnificent Ben TV – a Sky platform channel seemingly aimed at Africans in the UK.
On their sports phone in show on Saturday, the presenter was heavily plugging the upcoming Nigeria - Ghana friendly at Brentford, but despite a deal of prompting was finding it difficult to attract viewers on air to share their opinions of the tie.
Finally, the phone rang and our man straightened – Gilesy like – on his pew. “Please give us your contribution sir.” Alas , he was soon to slump.
“Excuse me. Can you tell me the best way to get to Brentford? Where’s the nearest tube?”
To be fair, all credit to the lads, a thorough assessment of the man’s transport options was promptly delivered. We expect there to be much more from the world of Ben over the coming months.
Spotter’s Badges to Barrie McCormack, Gerry McGreevy and Daniel Steadman