Who are the real teams?
Since current European Champions Barcelona have failed again to convince the RTE jury, can we once and for all compile a definitive list of the mythical XIs that Eamo and Gilesy deem worthy of the ultimate epithet “real teams”.
But before we go any further, it might be best to define what exactly it is that establishes a “real team” at the vanguard of football virtuosity in the lads’ eyes. For starters, we can take it as read that a “real team”…
- won’t give you a chance
- will, in fact, kill the game off when they have a chance
- doesn’t, under any circumstances, include David Beckham
- do their stuff at the right time
- have, needless to say, an abundance of moral courage
- are well able to look after themselves
- possess just the chap to put his foot on the ball and dictate the pace of the game
- can even rely on the same fellow to knock some bread and butter passes
- play the game on its merits
- won’t struggle against your Blackburns and your Boltons
- work hard, produce the magic moments and do the bread and butter stuff as well
- don’t get involved in “that kind of showboating”
We’ll be adding to this charter of realness as time goes on, but it should also be noted that a side’s entitlement to reality might be a somewhat fluid accolade. For example, International pretenders like Holland, Argentina, Portugal and Germany might well be afforded temporary realness at the beginning of a major tournament. However, once England are safely out of the way, it can be quickly established that none of these teams were very real at all. In fact, in most cases, they were entirely “bankrupt”.
Likewise, “your Milans”, “your Real Madrids” and “your Manchester Uniteds” may well be real teams when the balls come out of the hat in August – and God help Chelsea or Arsenal, for example, when they come up against these real teams later in the tournament. But as soon as these shapers kick a ball in anger, they can safely be dismissed as “fatally flawed”.
So then, at time of writing, we believe there are six outfits that can safely be described as real teams.
Real Madrid 1960s
Brazil 1970
Leeds United 1970s
Germany 1974
Italy 1982 (up for debate)
Milan 1989/90
Note that the Manchester United team of 1999 sometimes earn temporary reality status, as long as Eamo forgets Beckham was a key player and if the conversation is about Roy Keane.
As for real players, we’ll leave that for another day. All we know is, every current professional footballer except Paolo Maldini and Fabio Canavaro is entirely fictional.
Are there any other real teams? Mail em in
December 6th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
don’t forget that real teams never mention “tiredness”
December 6th, 2006 at 1:28 pm
Surely Liverpool of late 1970s and early 80s was a real team. No rotation, used only 8 players a season. Wonder did the fact that they had many tashes make a difference? this is something that studious continental managers like Houllier and Benitez have completely overlooked in trying to recapture old glory
December 6th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Should have mentioned that Littler. Pool 80s seem to fulfill all the “real team” criteria but yet they never get a mention. Being a staunch Pool man, you’d think Billo would set the record straight
December 6th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
TEF are a real team, Cheffy, and well you know it!
December 6th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
I suppose the real sides can only beat what’s put in front of them Crowe - even if it’s only a understrength team, past its best, and racked by injury.
December 6th, 2006 at 5:38 pm
Being real is not enough. In the modern game, if you have any kind of aspirations, you must also be a Serious Team.
December 6th, 2006 at 5:40 pm
I’m not so sure Eric. I would have thought serious teams were one step away from becoming real teams/great sides
December 6th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Is that to say that you can’t be a real team until you’ve won the bloody thing?
Maybe Serious is as Serious does.
On another point, how can no real team contain David Beckham when you list ‘your Manchester Uniteds’? It didn’t get more real for them than ‘99.
I presume his current team are Real in name only.
December 6th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Listen, the standard was not set by me - it was set by great players like these men beside me and the genuinely great teams of the past.
December 6th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Eric, your man uniteds, Reals and Milans achieve purely temporary reality status only insofar as they can be used as barometers for serious teams like Chelsea and Arsenal
December 6th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Italy 82 were a seriously real outfit.
Seriously. Really.
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January 24th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
In response to leRoy’s comments about being a serious team (ref: comment 6 - 06-12-06) I think that serious teams are categorised as being real contenders, whereas real teams are seen as being serious contenders.
January 26th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Celtic in the 1960’s early 70’s.
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February 13th, 2007 at 3:16 am
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February 22nd, 2007 at 5:17 pm
[…] We’ve already discussed the real (serious) teams, perhaps it’s time to reflect a moment on the topic that occupies the other 50% of every waking moment of J Giles’ and E Dunphy’s lives; the great players. […]
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[…] Of course, it’s rather easier when you back every horse in the race. Recall a fortnight ago Eamo’s list of “serious teams” (aka real teams) were: […]