According to Pat Dolan, the form of Leon Best has Vicente del Bosque, Mano Menezes and Sergio Batista looking enviously in the direction of the Aviva:

“Has Trapattoni ever had it so good in terms of forward options, or any other international team manager?”

WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

Despite having a head choc full of memories, Jimmy Magee has managed to retain a little room for the basics:

“It crashed off the goal frame. If he came any closer than that, it would have been a goal.”

SOME NECK

Staying at Blackpool might not suit the in-demand midfielder, but Darren Gough praises him for not cutting all ties:

“Charlie Adam has not said a dickie bow.”

A BRIDGE TOO FAR

Paul  Merson  “He’s hit the Jeff Stelling.”

Jeff Stelling: “What?”

Merse: “You know; Jeff Stelling, game show host, post.”

Let that be the end of it.

THE WAILER

Hang on, there’s worse. The Merse fears there may be no redemption song for Andy Carroll at Anfield:

“Who’s gonna cross the ball to him? He’ll be coming out to Bob Marley; ‘No crosses, no goals’.”

STRENGTH TO STRENGTH

Tony Cascarino shows Arsene Wenger what he could have won during the transfer window:

“If he had strengthened, Arsenal could have been even stronger.”

THE GREAT DIVIDER

Applied maths with Gerry Armstrong:

“Osasuna have scored 19 goals in 21 league games, that’s less than a goal a game.”

101 GREAT REFEREES

Alex McLeish finds the odd man out:

“It’s a free kick 100 times out of 100. Although some referees might have let it go.”

EVERYONE’S A WINNER

In order to sleep soundly through his long and mediocre career, there are many things Robbie Savage has had to convince himself of:

“The sign of a good team is not playing well.”

KISS AND TELL

John Giles’ reassurances are welcome but they come just too late to divert a desperate mental image:

“Clough never got off first base with the Leeds lads.”

BARE FACTS

Is Jack Woodward of Aston Villa Radio protesting too much?

“I’ve never seen that tattoo on Collins’s back before. Mind you, why would I have ever seen his naked back?”

CANDID KAMARA

If there is any lesson to be learned from Chris Kamara’s account of Spurs-Bolton on Saturday, it’s that things are often rather more believable than they first sound:

“Unbelievable, Jeff. Bolton have had corner after corner – well they’ve had two corners to be precise.”

SCIENCE DAILY

A moment’s digression with Talksport’s molecular correspondent Mike Parry:

“The Romans used to drink wine instead of water because wine is easier to manufacture than water.”

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Kevin Keegan turns up the sensors:

“You saw the disappointment on their faces and voices.”

Ray Hudson is impressed:

“Messi scores and it’s like a glitter bomb explodes. Centipedes go to sleep at night, wishing, dreaming that they had two legs like him.”

Better hope Ray never deals with an emergency at your gaff:

“Arbeloa, sliding across like a big, big fireman.”

Word of the week from Paul Merson:

“West Ham absolutely pitulated in the second half.”

Who knows what meaning Steve Bower was using before Begovic’s save?

“That brings a whole new meaning to the word reflexes.”

Jim White decides the show must go on:

“The clock is ticking. It always does on transfer deadline day.”

Craig Burley prescribes Howard Webb:

“He must have had leniency tablets this morning.”

Spotter’s badges to MacFistycuffs, livilodge

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