Stan Collymore
Stan Collymore

Never mind Brazilian magic, Uri Geller would have been bowled over by Jimmy Magee’s take on James Beattie’s penalty for Stoke:

“Straight down the middle with power…   and then into the corner.”

PUSS IN BOOTS

You don’t spend your night outs hanging around car parks without lowering your standards a little. No wonder Stan Collymore and his tabby are grateful for whatever they get:

“Robbie Keane was like the cat that got the cheese.”

EASY TO SWALLOW

On Oscar weekend, it was nice of Setanta’s Martin Fisher to nominate the Sunderland keeper for the role of Two-Face in the next Batman movie:

“That’s straight down the throats of Martin Fulop.”

A LITTLE VISION

When Brian Little examined the tea leaves on Saturday, the omens looked good for Sunderland:

“I think the rest of the season bodes well for them.”

LIGHTS ARE ON BUT…

Paul Merson is yet to entirely embrace the digital age:

“Fulham can’t go to Old Trafford and open the game up. There wouldn’t be enough light bulbs in the scoreboard.”

WHAT’S RUSSIAN FOR UEFA CUP?

Arsenalnewsreview.co.uk praises Andrey’s powers of deduction:

“Arshavin speaks enough English to read a league table and knows that Arsenal are fifth.”

PAR FOR THE COURSE

With the football world pretty unanimous in agreement that the Glen Johnson handball decision was something of a howler by referee Michael Jones, there were no prizes for guessing Garth Crooks’ verdict on Final Score:

“For me, spot on decision.”

DEFINITELY, MAYBE

As we know by now, no statement is black and white enough for Lee Dixon to feel that some qualification isn’t required:

“Arguably, he (Claudio Ranieri) didn’t win anything.”

GRANADA TIME PORTAL

According to Talksport, the recent ITV debacle was offset in places by some quick-thinking time travel:

“Viewers in some regions were still able to see substitute Dan Gosling’s goal just seconds before it happened.”

AGAINST THE GRAIN

While many philistines tend to bemoan packed Premier League defences and negative formations, purists like Craig Burley have other concerns:

“It seems the art of the sly tug of the shirt or the block off is gone out of the game.”

GOES WITHOUT SAYING

Headline on The Liverpool website ahead of yesterday’s game with City:

“Dirk: Bellamy Is Dangerous.”

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