You can’t have failed to notice: John Terry is not a footballer, he’s a very naughty boy. Despite his attempts to block publication of a story about his marital misdemeanours, the press is buzzing with the news that the England captain has been caught canoodling with the former girlfriend of team [...]
A few posts back I discussed Fergie’s failure to understand certain words. It seems he’s not alone, Rafael Benitez is similarly afflicted. We can forgive Rafa because English is not his mother tongue, but I do think someone should explain the definition of the word ‘improve’, and why using the word ‘improving’ in relation to [...]
A group of Man United fans, Manchester United Supporters Trust, are banding together in opposition to the club’s owners, the Glazer family. Good for them … except, I’m not too sure their tactics are going to work.
First up, they want Alex Ferguson to resign. “He claims to be a socialist”, says leader of the rebellion, [...]
Man United plan to sell Wayne Rooney … oh no hang on a minute … it’s ok, don’t panic! It’s in the Express, the paper that brings us news about people who claim to have found a likeness of Princess Di in a block of cheese. (Admittedly, if you squint and tilt your head, the [...]
Feeling a bit hard-up after Christmas? Suffering a cashflow problem because of the recession? Fear not, football can help. Follow this proven five point action plan and you’ll be raking in money in no time.
1) Buy a football club. It’s unlikely that you’ll have the resources of Hicks and Gillett, or the Glaziers, but if [...]
Will someone please buy Fergie a dictionary. As we all know he has no concept of time – in his world there is real time that we all use, and Fergietime, which is rather vague and elastic, and which lasts for as long as he says it does. Now it seems he’s not too sure [...]
Tim Vickery has been sharing his thoughts about Jo, the naughty Everton player who went home to south America for Christmas. According to Tim this was because he wanted to enjoy some sunshine, completely overlooking the fact that he also got to see his family. I’m sure Tim is right, after all, what kind of [...]
I’m back – bet you thought you’d got rid of me didn’t you? Ha! But any naysayers might like to remember: I still have the last vestiges of swine flu, so any clever comments and I’ll come round to your house and share it with you, I’m generous like that. Plus, it is the season [...]
You can’t have failed to have noticed that Arsene Wenger has been unleashing his inner egotist again, but if you’ve just crawled out of a cave: Mr Wenger was so piqued by his side’s 3-0 Carling Cup defeat by Man City, he stormed into the tunnel refusing to shake the hand of City manager, Mark [...]
“Avram’s knowledge is immense. He’s like Yoda. His pearls of wisdom seem to be far-reaching and he speaks a lot of sense.”
So said goalkeeper, David James about new Portsmouth manager, Avram Grant. (Sorry, can’t resist, shouldn’t that be ‘like Yoda, he is’?) Not sure if Mr Grant will appreciate the comparison, but it got me [...]
“But now I realise, after all the support I’ve got, that it wasn’t my fault. It was an unlucky situation with big consequences for Ireland. But it wasn’t our referee team’s fault.”
So says Martin Hansson, the referee at the centre of the Thierry Henry dual handball incident. Not entirely sure who he thinks is to [...]
The big footballing story of the weekend was Tottenham’s total trouncing of Wigan in a match that ended 9-1 and which included five goals scored by England hopeful, Jermaine Defoe. Poor, humiliated Wigan have announced players will refund fans’ ticket money – I like this idea! It should be implemented at all clubs. If certain [...]
Latest recipient of the Glenn Hoddle Award for Airy Fairy Football Theories is Arsenal striker, Robin van Persie who is hoping to speed up his recovery from a ligament injury by visiting a Serbian lady who specialises in, umm, unconventional treatments. Mr van Persie isn’t quite sure how she intends to treat him saying, “She [...]
The recipient of the Egotist of the Week award is …. Jermaine Defoe! Not only was Mr Defoe too busy to appear in court to attend his own appeal against a driving ban, the reason given for his non attendance was a fear of unwanted female attention.
Speaking in his defence his barrister said, “He might [...]
Straight out of the ‘news you never thought you’d read’ category: I discovered via the Fiver that John Terry holds a deep affection for carp. No, that’s not a commentary on WAGS, I mean real, fishy carp. The Chelsea and England player appears on the front of this month’s Angler’s Mail, and judging by the [...]
Mike Ashley, owner of Newcastle, has announced that St James’ Park will in future be known as sportsdirect.com@St James’ Park. Isn’t that a wonderful name, doesn’t it just trip off the tongue? Sounds so much better than silly, old, traditional names like Old Trafford and Anfield. It’s makes far more sense to have something snappy, [...]
Alan Hansen, former Liverpool defender, current football pundit and extremely modest person, has added his voice to the criticism of the beleaguered Rafael Benitez – an unusual move for one usually so reluctant to criticise. In his column for the BBC Hansen says, “At Fulham on Saturday, the much-maligned Lucas played 12 or 14 passes [...]
Following Arsenal’s 2-1 Carling Cup win over Liverpool last night, Mikael Sylvestre revealed the secret of their success to Mark Pougatch. According to the defender, “It’s finishing in front of the other team, I think.”
You know, I think he might be on to something there; I have noticed, the team which finishes in front tends [...]
The Liverpool v Man United fixture over the weekend was interesting for all sorts of reasons, some of them even related to events on the pitch. Would Rafael Benitez keep his job? What kind of reception would Michael Owen get when he appeared in a shirt in the wrong shade of red? How would Torres [...]
It’s jelly and ice cream time at Arsenal, their manager, Arsene Wenger, is 60 today! Amongst his celebration plans is a trip to Arsenal’s AGM – gosh, what a party animal.
One person without much cause for celebration is poor old Rafael Benitez. Following Liverpool’s fourth consecutive defeat against Lyons, some fans are calling for his [...]
