Footballers are not traditionally known for their modesty, so it made a change to read this quote from Arsenal's Andrei Arshavin. "If Arsenal want to become champions, how can they select Arshavin as centre forward?' 'I am 173cm (5ft 7in) and it suits me, but next to the big centre halves of United it is very difficult to fight for the ball, especially in the air." However, I have my doubts about his reasoning, not just because he talks about himself in the third person, but also because

You can't have failed to notice: John Terry is not a footballer, he's a very naughty boy. Despite his attempts to block publication of a story about his marital misdemeanours, the press is buzzing with the news that the England captain has been caught canoodling with the former girlfriend of team mate, Wayne Bridge, and the knives are out for him. Leo McKinstry writing in the Mail sums up the mood of certain elements of the press asking, "Why won't soccer's spineless chiefs sack John Terry?'.

A few posts back I discussed Fergie's failure to understand certain words. It seems he's not alone, Rafael Benitez is similarly afflicted. We can forgive Rafa because English is not his mother tongue, but I do think someone should explain the definition of the word 'improve', and why using the word 'improving' in relation to Liverpool's current progress may be the cause for some amusement. You see Rafa, improve means 'to make better', it doesn't mean to make everything stay pretty much as it was,

A group of Man United fans, Manchester United Supporters Trust, are banding together in opposition to the club's owners, the Glazer family. Good for them ... except, I'm not too sure their tactics are going to work. First up, they want Alex Ferguson to resign. "He claims to be a socialist", says leader of the rebellion, Johnny Flacks. Yes, but so did Tony Blair and we all know how that worked out. Maybe I'm dense but I'm missing the connection between socialism and the financial mishandling of

Man United plan to sell Wayne Rooney ... oh no hang on a minute ... it's ok, don't panic! It's in the Express, the paper that brings us news about people who claim to have found a likeness of Princess Di in a block of cheese. (Admittedly, if you squint and tilt your head, the accompanying photo does look like Princess Di if she'd once gone to a fancy dress party disguised as a block of cheese.) I'm guessing the Express' football journalists don't want to leave the office during this cold snap,

Feeling a bit hard-up after Christmas? Suffering a cashflow problem because of the recession? Fear not, football can help. Follow this proven five point action plan and you'll be raking in money in no time. 1) Buy a football club. It's unlikely that you'll have the resources of Hicks and Gillett, or the Glaziers, but if you band together with a few mates you'll surely have enough to snap up a lower-league side. 2) Promise lots of extra money for new players, but make sure you have your fingers

Will someone please buy Fergie a dictionary. As we all know he has no concept of time - in his world there is real time that we all use, and Fergietime, which is rather vague and elastic, and which lasts for as long as he says it does. Now it seems he's not too sure about other words. Following Man United's FA Cup defeat against Leeds, he said, "The referee gave five minutes, that is an insult to the game and the players out there" Erm, no Fergie, that wasn't an insult, it was a remarkably long

Tim Vickery has been sharing his thoughts about Jo, the naughty Everton player who went home to south America for Christmas. According to Tim this was because he wanted to enjoy some sunshine, completely overlooking the fact that he also got to see his family. I'm sure Tim is right, after all, what kind of weirdo wants to see their own mother during the festive season?! However, Tim did make some good points and the article is worth a read. What made me do a double take was a comment left below the

I'm back - bet you thought you'd got rid of me didn't you? Ha! But any naysayers might like to remember: I still have the last vestiges of swine flu, so any clever comments and I'll come round to your house and share it with you, I'm generous like that. Plus, it is the season for giving ... although I'm guessing not in the Redknapp household. "Everyone knows my views on Christmas parties - they are more trouble than they're worth." So said Harry Redknapp following his players unauthorised Christmas

You can't have failed to have noticed that Arsene Wenger has been unleashing his inner egotist again, but if you've just crawled out of a cave: Mr Wenger was so piqued by his side's 3-0 Carling Cup defeat by Man City, he stormed into the tunnel refusing to shake the hand of City manager, Mark Hughes. Personally, I don't think he gave himself much chance of victory when he chose a team sourced from local primary schools, but what do I know? I'm just a humble blogger who can't hope to understand the

"Avram's knowledge is immense. He's like Yoda. His pearls of wisdom seem to be far-reaching and he speaks a lot of sense." So said goalkeeper, David James about new Portsmouth manager, Avram Grant. (Sorry, can't resist, shouldn't that be 'like Yoda, he is'?) Not sure if Mr Grant will appreciate the comparison, but it got me thinking: if Premiership managers got together and formed an amateur dramatic group, they have the perfect cast for Star Wars. Obviously, Alex Ferguson would have to play Darth

"But now I realise, after all the support I've got, that it wasn't my fault. It was an unlucky situation with big consequences for Ireland. But it wasn't our referee team's fault." So says Martin Hansson, the referee at the centre of the Thierry Henry dual handball incident. Not entirely sure who he thinks is to blame, must be whoever was in charge of noticing deliberate fouls and blowing a whistle to stop the game, oh hang on a minute ... wouldn't that be Hansson's referee team? Unsurprisingly,

The big footballing story of the weekend was Tottenham's total trouncing of Wigan in a match that ended 9-1 and which included five goals scored by England hopeful, Jermaine Defoe. Poor, humiliated Wigan have announced players will refund fans' ticket money - I like this idea! It should be implemented at all clubs. If certain players knew they'd have to recompense fans for poor performances they might feel less inclined to drift around the pitch with a demeanour that says, 'I'm only here for the