I really mean that...
I really mean that...

Lesson 1: A certification process for frontmen who don’t arrive in installments.

One of the game’s true innovators, many point to Andy Gray’s role alongside Martin Tyler and Richard Keys in the creation of The Greatest League in the World as his finest hour. Along the way to this achievement, he has pulled off some admirable feats of bluster.

But this is as nothing compared to the extraordinary work he has done in the research and development of the PACE (Pace Awareness, Calibration and Evaluation) scale, a complex measurement system now used by all commentators to assess the speed of a frontman with a little bit of what Big Ron might call “turbo” at his disposal.

As far as Andy is concerned, the PACE scale operates, in reverse order of paciness, something like this:

10. Tell you what, Martin, the little number seven has a bit of pace.

9. Watch the Norwegian fella. He’s big, brave, and pacy.

8. They might do a double-banking job on the left winger. He has got bags of pace.

7. Take a bow, son. He just goes see you later, buuuf. that’s pace for you.

6. This guy’s a pace merchant and a half and I mean that. I really, really mean that, if I’m honest.

5. Heh, heh, heh, Richard. There’s no substitute for lightning pace.

4. I know I’ve said this before Richard, but if you stand off this fella, he will kill you. Unbelievable pace.

3. If this fella can get it out of his feet, he has got frightening pace.

2. What an out ball he gives them. This guy has got pace to burn.

1. You beautayyyy. You just can’t legislate for genuine pace. And I mean that.

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