TIGHT-LIPPED

Alan Hansen couldn’t get a word out of Tottenham early doors:

“Spurs haven’t started quickly. They’re a bit laconic.”

SQUEEZED OUT

On Football Focus, QPR’s Jamie Mackie feared Portsmouth don’t have a solid future:

“If they do get liquidised…”
LEEWAY

Lee Dixon took his eye off the ball on MOTD2

“The ascendancy was in Arsenal’s court”

BARE ESSENTIALS

At The Hawthorns, it wasn’t so much the visitors’ garish new away kit that bothered Charlie Nicholas, it was what was underneath:

Fulham have gone out commando.”

PEP WAS PANTS

At least the Cottagers wouldn’t have faced any of the difficulties Ray Hudson highlighted at Barcelona, where he felt Pep’s career had been undermined by a reluctance to embrace unusual tasks:

“Guardiola couldn’t carry Johan Cruyff’s jockstrap as a footballer.”

ARTFUL DODGER

Credit to Hudson all the same for perfectly encapsulating the mercurial Messi:

“He could follow you into a revolving door and come out first.”

KNOWING THE SIGNS

On Setanta, Pat Dolan was getting mixed signals from Stamford Bridge:

“Chelsea have been far from good, but that’s the sign of a good team isn’t it?”

NO SUGAR COATING IT

These days Pat tries to steer well clear of all temptation; bad news for Wolves’ unimpressive wide man Jelle van Damme:

“You can’t have this guy in your team. He might be a sweet. A Jelle Baby?”

SILVA SERVICE

But the big man showed his mettle when David Silva set up Adebayor’s third against Lech Poznan:

“That’s not Silva; that’s pure gold.”

SEW WHAT

Sky reporter Tony Incenzo got a little carried away at Millwall:

“A picturesque, patchquilt passing move, three men involved.”

MOVING HOUSE

Ian Holloway fears Wayne Rooney’s contract shenanigans could spark more negative equity woes:

“What if you have a house for 24 years and it can just toddle off and do what it likes?”

MIDDLE GROUND

Kevin Phillips falls between two stools:

“Those either fly into the back of the net or go into Row Z and that was neither here nor there.”

NO STAYING POWER

Before every Championship game, Iain Dowie organises an arduous obstacle course to test the referee’s stamina:

“Nigel Miller has not endured himself to the Burnley faithful.”
LANGUAGE BARRIER

Having watched LA Galaxy v  Colorado Rapids on Setanta, we are delighted to confirm that in the Yoo-Ess, a volley is still very much a…

“One-timer!”

YOUR SONG

A midfield clash between Alex Song and Shakhtar Donetsk’s Olexiy Gai sends Lawro leafing through his Elton John collection:

“Song for Gai!”

FOR THE BIRDS

Phil Babb might not hold out much hope for the Liverpool gaffer but he is impressed by his nose for trouble:

“Roy Hodgson will be smelling the vultures circling overhead.”

***

QUICK ONE-TWOS

Queen Alan Brazil promotes the Sheffield United gaffer:

“Sir Gary Speed is doing a good job.”
Phil Thompson rumbles Big Mick’s sneaky late gambit:

“They’ve gone out and out 4-2-4-2.”
Pat Dolan has some encouragement for Roy Hodgson:

“Maybe John W Henry is going to like older, more experienced men – I think his wife does.”

Richard Scudamore lacks imagination:

“It’s all very well saying let’s have a winter break but whereabouts in the calendar would it come?”

Scott  Minto hails Preston midfield and canteen staff:

“Jon Parkin is being well fed.”

David Pleat never counts his chickens even after they’ve hatched:

“Two-nil is a strange result, it can go either way.”

Eamo sets up another u-turn:

“Man Utd is a failed, heavily indebted corporation and Rooney is right to get out of it.”

Spotter’s badges to Fredorrarci, liverayhudson and  pauldalglish.

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