Alan Hansen prefers 4-4-2 to apartheid

Published On June 17, 2010 | By Danger Here | Blog, World Cup 2010

In an old Comic Relief sketch, Des Lynam once invited Alan Hansen and Jimmy Hill to “talk about something other than football”

Well, last night Lynam’s wishes finally came through, when Hansen went out on a limb to produce a controversial dismantling of apartheid.

“That system was obviously fundamentally flawed.”

If only they had played someone in front of the back four.

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With legalised racial segregation put in its place, it was time for renowned psychologist Mick McCarthy to turn his attentions to Jesus Navas’ anxiety attacks.

“He has made a good impact since he came on, it makes you wonder what he was worried about before.”

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Gabriel Egan likes Xabi’s lipstick:

“Alonso really hit that shot with some vamp.”

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After Spain-Switzerland, Eamon Dunphy immediately sent off his postal order for the Sergio Ramos fan club:

“This is Ramos, who’s crazy actually. He shouldn’t be allowed on the football pitch, either end of it. He gives in bad crosses. He’s a nightmare footballer. he’s loco. It’s no secret. He plays for Real Madrid. Boy, is he a liability.”

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Isn’t Gilesy a dark horse? Taking time out from poring over his extensive notes about every footballer in the world to produce a much-needed update on a Ronglish classic.

Sloppy South African play was the inspiration:

“Those were more Pinewood Studios passes than Hollywood passes.”

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Fine article from Tom English in the Scotsman about the slapdash nature of punditry and research on ITV and BBC. No doubt mindful, Ronnie Whelan has been swotting up on Diego Forlan:

“He goes to Seville and he scores a load of goals.”

But if the boys on the Beeb are reluctant to read their dossiers, Eamon Dunphy is stoutly refusing to employ his eyes:

“There hasn’t been a headed goal yet in the World Cup.”

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Physics 101 with Trevor Steven:

“The trajectory of the ball keeps it going up.”

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Whatever aversion to research we witness on these shores, it’s nothing to the corner Serbian commentator Vladimir Mijaljevic painted himself into when previewing his country’s clash with Germany:

“Neuer  is in goal, because Enke can not play.  He is hurt,” announced Vladimir to general shock. Enke, of course, tragically passed away last November.
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Damien Richardson, the human thesaurus:

“The Chileans have worked very hard, extremely hard, extraordinarily hard.”

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With  all the whinging by commentaors and pundits during the opening week of the World Cup, it’s refreshing to hear George Hamilton consider the full potential of every weak shot:

“If that shot had been on target and delivered with a bit more pace, it might have troubled the keeper.”

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@CiaraMK, @jumpstheshark, @zonalmarking, Eamonn O’Sullivan

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